The God Damn Super Bowl

Editor's note: I am completely indifferent to the Super Bowl. Fuck the Steelers. Fuck the Cardinals. I could give half a shit whether or not Kurt Warner wins to make a nice story. I could give even less of a shit whether the Steelers win more Super Bowls than any team. Ugh. Way to fall down on your face, Kevin Curtis. Seriously, nice work.

I don't know about Aaron, but I'm about as inversely interested in the Super Bowl as I was both of the conference championship games. Nevertheless, after getting smacked around in the first 3 games of the wild card round, 7 in a row on the correct side of things isn't too shabby. 8-3 for the playoffs would be nice, whether I end up watching the Super Bowl or not, or at least have it on in the background while I continue to try and catch up on Battlestar Gallactica on Hulu.... these are sad times. Anywho, about that game....

Arizona Cardinals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (-7)

Some sites have the line listed at 7.5 or 8, but it doesn't really matter. We all should have known the moment that Tom Brady tore his knee minutes into the season that this was bound to be a strange one. I mean, C'mon, the Pats still won 11 games with a rookie QB and a slow, plodding, aging defense. I don't think there's much doubt that if Brady had remained healthy this season, the Pats at least win 12 and make the playoffs, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them playing in this game. Point is, after Brady went down, the door opened for all 31 NFL teams to take advantage of an opportunity they might not see again for a long time. Teams like the Titans, Ravens, Vikings, Panthers, Cardinals, Dolphins, and Falcons all jumped at the opportunity to make a splash, while some of the more talented and popular teams like the Packers, Cowboys, Patriots, Bears, Jets, Redskins, and Broncos greatly disappointed their fan base.

Despite all that, the Steelers survived, as they have proven apt to do for nearly all of their existence. With a win on Sunday, they'll become the only 6 time Super Bowl Champions (By the way, does anyone else find it hard to believe that in a league that stresses parity that 4 teams, those being Dallas, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, and Washington, account for nearly half of the 42 championships already decided) and make a strong case for the most successful sports franchise in American sports. It's certainly the most popular sport, so this claim might have some legitimacy to it. This team is well armed to do the job as well, with a QB who continues to make his biggest plays in the 4th quarter when his team needs it most (Unlike another QB on the other side of the state), and Troy Polamalu who I think is the best in the game because he combines Ed Reed's ball hawk skills with the ability to crack any player who lines up across from him.

It's not enough though, not even close. Not enough to beat THIS team of destiny, for that matter. Look at the 3 playoff games this team has played so far. They stuffed the Atlanta running game with ease, tore up their secondary, and even Edge has himself a nice game after sitting out for weeks and sulking. In the process they lose Boldin for the Panthers game, and things couldn't have looked bleaker for this team at that moment. On the road, on the East coast, without their second best offensive playmaker, against a team who hadn't lost at home. I thought they'd make a game of it, but they blew the Panthers out of their own stadium, rivaling Miami for quickest stadium exit in a home playoff game that I've seen in a long time. Finally, they hosted the Eagles, where they proved that they can not only handle a blitz, but they can handle adversity too after giving up an early lead, finishing the game strong by picking up some clutch 3rd and 4th downs and getting a touchdown and 2 point conversion when a field goal would have taken the lead just the same. This isn't the same mediocre offense that San Diego and Baltimore threw at Pittsburgh, this is an offensive juggernaught that can't be counted of any game based on solely on the playmaking abilities of their quarterback and wideouts. It's been a strange year, it only seems appropriate that it should have a strange ending.

Arizona 31, Pittsburgh 13

________________________________________________________________
As an added bonus, here's a list of the 32 NFL teams and the ones who have a realistic shot of winning the Super Bowl next season. Hopefully Aaron will throw in his two cents wherever he deems necessary.

AFC EAST

New England Patriots - Tom Brady will be back, defense is bound to get younger, Moss can still beat anyone deep. Absolute YES here. Agreed, if they draft well, revamp the defense and Laurence Maroney is healthy enough to contribute.....yikes.

New York Jets - If Favre comes back, they won't win the Super Bowl, but I suppose it could translate to a playoff spot. If he leaves, meh, doesn't really make a difference. NO Problem here is, they aren't good.

Buffalo Bills - Maybe if they ever move to Canada. NO I disagree with this one. Their defense is legit. Trent Edwards is a decent quarterback and they can run the ball a little. If they ever utilize Roscoe Parrish and Lee Evans the way they should they could be an interesting team. 2nd best in their division, at least.

Miami Dolphins - Very tough schedule next year is making it pretty clear that Parcells will be one and done. So will the Dolphins. NO

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers - With this group of core players, they are always going to be a threat to win it all. YES They're going to win between 9 and 12 games for at least the next 5 years.

Cleveland Browns - I think Mangini got a bad rap in NY for little reason, and I think if Brady Quinn is given the ball immediatly it might light a spark under the rest of the offense. YES Sure, Derek Anderson, as it happens, wasn't the savior. Does enybody else choose their backup QB in Madden based on arm strength alone? Because that's how I came to know Derek Anderson before he broke out last year. In Madden, everything else about him sucked but he had a rocket. Turns out that's the case in real life as well.

Cincinatti Bengals - They actually appeared to be motivated down the stretch last year, and I suppose it could turn into a wild-card spot next year, but I doubt it. NO Remember Carson Palmer? What happened?

Baltimore Ravens - Look for Flacco to hit that sophomore slump now that teams have more information on him, and the defense was great this year but continues to get old and brittle at the most important positions. NO Disagree. Next year McGahee should be healthy and McClain and Rice won't see as much of the field. I still belive McGahee can be an every-down back. The defense has another great season in them. While Flacco sucked somethin' awful in the playoffs, I think he's going to improve next year. I say they make the playoffs.

AFC SOUTH

Jacksonville Jaguars - What a disappointment they were this year, espescially the run defense which used to be feared. They'll have their O-Line back after losing almost all of them to injury this year, but they still lack big play ability and despite being a team that focuses on the run, they don't tend to play well in bad weather. NO Matt Jones has reached Michael Vick territory in terms of "Great in Madden/kind of stinky in real life" guys. How many times does he have to burn me in fantasy for me to realize he's not that good? Or is it the coke thing? I can't figure this team out. What was so different between this season and last? Fred Taylor didn't like their chemistry. I'll go with that. I say they make it next year.

Tennessee Titans - If Collins comes back, then I'd say YES in a heartbeat, espescially if they can avoid playing at home in the playoffs since that seems to be their achilles heel. If Vince Young comes back, we'll be treated to some of the most comical performances by a QB since Tavaris Jackson got his job back. On a side note, how CHEATED should we feel that when the Titans met the Vikings this year, both Jackson and Young were on the bench. They could have sold that game on PPV if they both started and played the whole game and I would have gotten it just to see that atrocity in its entirety. Couldn't agree more. The difference between Tavaris and Young is that Vincanity can at least run around a bit. Tavaris doesn't run much. Remember when Young faced Lineart in the Rose Bowl? Boy, we were really treated to two of the future stars of the NFL duking it out that night.......

Indianapolis Colts - I think that this unit is starting to get a little bored, quite frankly. New coach will probably help matters, but one has to wonder if this team is ever going to get some bigger linebackers who can hold up against the run. If they don't I don't see it happening. NO They got hosed. They should have beaten the Chargers. Peyton has always had trouble with the 3-4 but as he ages he's gotten better. I think with that unit on offense, Marvin Harrison not in prison and Bob Sanders they've got a shot. Although, I will agree with the Colonel that teams like Indy always seem to have the same flaws year after year.

Houston Texans - They're improving, which is what people say about this team every team, but they're still a long ways off. NO I'll say they can win 10 games. Cause....why the hell not?

AFC WEST

Denver Broncos - Cutler is great, but the running game has disappeared in Denver. Whenever one guy gets hot, he goes down and they lose faith in their game plan. Plus, the defense continues to suck. NO I say yes. With a coach that actually cares about defense they should fix it at least to the point where it's serviceable. Their offense was never reall the problem. Injuries killed them this year more than anything.

Oakland Raiders - If the Chargers go on a decline, this could be YOUR surprise playoff team of 2009. Not a champion, but they might just win.... baby. NO JaMarcus really didn't have a TERRIBLE first season. Also, I'd like to see McFadden get a full season's worth of carries. Also, that defense isn't half-bad. I'll say yes. This is a non-binding thing.

Kansas City Chiefs - Tyler Thigpen reminds me of Jake Delhomme, that guy who only got to play due to injuries to other players, convinced enough people that he was good to land a starting job but will almost always fold when the pressure is on. NO Awful comparison. Thigpen can throw. Jake the Cajun douche has made a living under-throwing Steve Smith and then having that little wizard bail him out with an amazing catch. Thigpen might actually have some staying power. You never really know how he's gonna react next season. However, I wish to christ Hard knocks goes back to the Chiefs this season so we get to see Herm Edwards give his two cents on the matter. Still, they do suck. Agree with the no.

San Diego Chargers - Shaun Merriman proved how valuable he is to this team by not playing this year, as their defense was very inconsistent and allowed a lot of yards through the air. Assuming LT has one more good year left in the tank, Merriman is back and healthy, and Gates can actually stay healthy for a playoff game, this team is still one to be reckoned with if they get a few home playoff games. YES That LT fall-off happened FAST. Merriman is an absolute beast and will help their defense a ton next season. Even with the numbers, I'm not wild about Phillip Rivers. Also, did you know Darren Sproles is 5'6? That's very short. Phillip Simms taught me that.

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys - Aside from the fact they haven't won a playoff game since Bill Clinton was president, there's a lot of questions that need to be answered on this team. The most important one? Is Tony Romo a great QB, or is he so easily rattled that he can't be counted on in big games. Recent history points to the latter, and I don't think they'll have the guts to send TO packing. NO I have no idea if Tony Romo is good. I don't think anybody does. TO is finally starting to show his age a little and, uh.....Roy Williams? What the hell happened? They're a flawwed team, but I think their lack of success in the playoffs is more due to bad luck than anything else. I'll say yes.

Philadelphia Eagles - Realistically, you could answer YES to the Eagles every year since 2001 when they lost to Kurt Warner in the NFC championship.... the first time :( I'm tired of listening to people say "We need this... we need that...." The Eagles have all the parts. They have a great secondary, a boatload of pass rushers, a stifling run defense, a veteran QB who can move in the pocket, and playmaking RB that is the focal point of EVERY defense they play, a solid offensive line and WR's who all have the ability to make game changing plays. So what IS the problem??? Well, take a look at this.

Wins

38-3

15-6

40-26

27-14

26-7

48-20

30-10

44-6

20-14 (This being the Giants game where NY scored a TD with about 10 seconds left and nobody cared)

26-14

23-11

The Losses

37-41

20-24

17-23

31-36

7-36

3-10

25-32

And of course, the infamous 13-13 tie with the Bengals.

Record in games decided by 10 or more: 9-1

The rest of them: 2-6-1

Fact is, nobody rolls over people in the playoffs because the competition is just too good, so unless this team ever learns to win the close ones, they'll be a team that can do it, but probably won't. That was a very long winded way to say YES to their chances next year. I just threw up in my mouth. That's depressing as hell. I can't figure out the problem either. The fact that they keep getting there has to mean something. They're doing something right.

New York Giants - They play well on both sides of the line, and they have a solid running game. They'll be back, but they do need to address their WR position in some fashion. YES Eli was who we thought he was. They were a completely different team without Plax. Still, their running game is pretty fierce.

Washington Redskins - LOL. I love living in Redskin country, because they buy into every single crappy move their front office makes. This is a team that got so desperate to compete they hired Steve Spurrier and a geriatric Joe Gibbs and fell flat on their faces. Portis is getting old, Campbell can't win games by himself and they can't draft worth a ****. NO, and they never will as long as Dan Snyder owns the team. I feel bad for Redskins fans. Portis has wasted his prime. Campbell isn't even a terrible qb. The rest of 'em, eh....hard to say.

Finally, for anyone who thinks Andy Reid isn't a good coach, try on this stat. He's won 2 playoff games in the same season 3x, while the Redskins and Cowboys combined have a total of 2 playoff wins in his entire tenure, as well as 2 playoff wins over Tom Coughlin. In the end, they are all still Andy's personal whipping boys.

This is getting long, I'll finish the other 3 divisions tomorrow. This is fun and it gives me something to do when the kids are working on their standardized tests.

One last thing though, apparantly there is ANOTHER person who picks NFL spreads on some website called football http://www.allfootball247.com/. His name? The Colonel. The bright side is he is 4-6 compared to my 7-3, so I'm giving myself a promotion to Brigadier General... but Aaron can still call me Colonel.

Indeed I will. As always, Colonel.