Don't feel bad (This gloating will absolutely make me look stupid when the Eagles shit the bed against the Browns next week)

I feel great. The Eagles beat the New Jersey Giants today and I couldn't be happier about it. They actually looked like a football team. Sure, Donovan had his share of bounce-passes. The offense looked crappy at times, but that defense...oh, that defense. They looked right. Anyways, I felt the need to console my buddy Brian who is a Giants fan. This started as a facebook wall post but I had to many ideas and figured to put it all up here. It started like this:

"Because I know you're probably feeling down in the dumps right now, here's a list of positive things the Giants can take from today's loss at the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles.
1) They still have an excellent chance of making the playoffs.
2) The Eagles would have beaten any team they played today. It just happened to be the Giants.
3) We both know Eli gets a pass (HA!) on this week's poor performance. It's been well-documented his girlish hands prevent him from gripping the ball when it gets chilly. "Oh, GAWD!"
4) Antonio Pierce is a snitch. How am I supposed to trust him? More to the point, how are Justin Tuck and Fred Robbins' biceps supposed to trust him? Answer: they can't.
5) Mario Manningham (as you called him "the X factor") rushed for -12 yards. The good news is he didn't lose them more yards by catching any passes. "

That was the wall post. Obnoxious, right? There's more.

6) Plaxico Burress needed a week off.

7) Domenik Hixon dropped what should have been the only legit touchdown the Giants scored all game. Instead, he let a perfect pass fall to the ground and the two other horseshit touchdowns were meaningless. (You can't tell me the last one wasn't crap. Joey fucking Harrington could complete a bunch of short-range throws against a prevent and then score from the one yard out.)

8) The Cowboys also lost. They sucked in an entirely different way. They allowed 17 unanswered points in the last 7 minutes of the game. I think we can both agree that was enjoyable.

9) After Kevin Dockery (K-Dox) returned that blocked field-goal for a TD at the end of the first half every single Philly fan watching was very confident the Eagles were not going to win. Is there anything better than having your own team prove you wrong in a good way? Do you Giants fans know anything about that? Expecting your team to play poorly or lose and then they come out, play well and win? Ever? Probably not. Anyways, it's nice.

10) Congratulations! You are the 15th different NFL team to force Kevin Curtis from a game due to injury. And the 7th due to concussion-like symptoms! That's just like winning, right?

11) This one is kind of a good news/bad news thing. The bad news is you lost the time of posession battle about 35 to 25. The good news is that the only reason that happened is cause you didn't gain any yards. I mean, that's an easy fix. Just do better at advancing the football next time and this is an entirely different discussion.

12) Ya held Lorenzo Booker in check. That's no easy feat. The guy, like, leads the league in touchdowns. Wait, check that, he's never scored a touchdown. Ever. In his 2-year NFL career. He's never scored. Not once. Well, Giants fans can rest their laurels on that. The Booker Endzone Watch continues.

13) Eli completed damn near half his passes. It sounds better when you say it like that. You could also put it in generic Native American-speak and it would sound better. Perhaps even deep. "This week, Eli met his oppressors head on with might and great force. His passes soared high, like the falcon. His luck plummeted down the mountains, like the buffalo. His teammate impaled led into his leg, like the mongoose." Sounds like quite an accomplishment.

14) For an old man, Tom Coughlin is in great shape. Guy was running up and down the sidelines when stuff was happening in front of him. If they can a life coach for Plax that's half as good as Coughlin's persnal trainer I'd expect great things. Is Joel Osteen available?

Oh, and I should also mention that unless the Eagles win out they probably won't make the playoffs. Also, the Giants are still probably the best team in the NFL. But, screw that it's Sunday. Football day.