Don't get me cheesed, the wife is watching!

The title of this post has nothing to do with anything. It just felt like the right thing to say at the time. Revision? Psht. That's the democrats for ya.

Anyways, in light of the immense popularity of that movie Twilight and the TV show about vampires I figured I'd ignore the entire topic. To me, it feels like a subject that is ripe for the mocking. It has all the familiar traits of a fad that makes those who allowed themselves to become swept up in it feel rather silly once they stop acting like/dressing up as/pretending they are vampires. When the fad passes and kids go back to just being suicidal, moody and retarded like normal teenagers they're going to feel as though they've been had. They've been duped by the worst thing of all -- books. I am reminded of a great quote from the Fred Williamson classic Warriors of the Wasteland.

W of the W may be one of the worst films ever made. However, there is one quote from our antagonist named Scorpio that applies to the power of books. Scorpio is holding a bible in his hands. He grabbed the bible from a camp of evangelicals. He destroyed their camp because in a post-apocalyptic world guys with guns and golf carts (they were golf carts) kill guys with bibles. As he stares at the tomb with hate in his eyes, he suddenly rips the book in half and chucks it aside while stoically stating, "Books...that's what started this mess." His trusty servant who I can only assume is named Trusty Servant doesn't understand and says so. To which Scorpio drops the bomb of knowledge on the viewer "The world is dead. It raped itself." BOOM. See that? What made the world rape itself? Clearly the answer was books. Two lines into the movie I am already rooting for the bad guy. That is great writing. He's such a tragic figure. He just wanted an un-raped world free of all books. Is that so wrong? Later on you find out that the thing that drives him is his -- wait for it -- "love of evil" and his hatred of good. Yeah, it's that kinda movie. So, while Scorpio can teach us all a little bit bout ourselves, he also teaches us that books are bad and they incite rape. That nugget of wisdom is instrumental in understanding vampire kids and their lousy "books".

Vampire kids are no different than any other bizarre fad that young teens get into. When I was in 5th grade everybody wanted to try to skate. Lots of kid bought the huge pants and t-shirts that had stuff on em. A few kids even tried skating. Nobody was any good. I honestly don't even think the fad lasted for more than a year. But it wasn't about skating. It was about being as rebellious as rich, white kids can be until they're old enough to try coke. Kids who actually owned skateboards would get up in arms when a kid who "didn't even skate" would wear anything indicating a preference to skating. The kids who go offended had taken up the cause about a month before those they were angry with but that was irrelevant. They weren't gonna let some other kid get in on their little rebellion. And I'm sure vampire kids aren't any different.

Moreover, the idea these kids need to educate themselves with a little thing I like to call The Hammer. The Hammer, of course, is the nickname of action super-star Fred Williamson. In addition to Warriors of the Wasteland, one of his shining moments comes alongside Oscar nominated actor Gary Busey in the cinematic tour de force South Beach. If children would simply look.

Nothing says "here are two ex-pro football players who are now private detectives and just love to play golf and goof around" like this scene.

When you watch that clip, think to yourself "Gary Busey was once nominated for an Oscar."