Phil Sheridan: Master Negotiator

Ryan Howard's upcoming arbitration hearing has been concerning many Phillies' fans. People seem to be under the impression that Howard deserves whatever he wants because he's just so freakin' awesome. While I agree that he is freakin' awesome, a monster and possibly my favorite player on my favorite team - I must respectfully disagree that all of said qualities put him above the arbitration process.

Enter Phil Sheridan and this article. Sheridan is a columnist for the Philly Inquirer and has been for a number of years. He followed the Eagles for seven of those years. He is a Philly guy and a Temple grad. His personal profile at the Inquirer's page states the following.

Phil Sheridan became an Inquirer sports columnist after covering the Eagles for seven years. He brings a seasoned and reasoned point of view to a landscape of frustrated fans. But Sheridan knows where they're coming from, being a Philadelphia native and a graduate of Temple University.

I'd like to emphasize the "seasoned and reasoned point of view" for reasons that will become clear later in this post.

Sheridan's recent column makes the argument that the Phillies should intentionally lose their arbitration hearing with Ryan Howard. Really - that's what it says. I decided this would be a fine replacement for a 'What If Wednesday' segment because this column comes from as much fantasy as any bizarre scenario I could conjure up.

Before I go further into this I'd like to make it clear that the people over at Fire Joe Morgan do this a hell of a lot better than I do. So, if you think any sort of sports journalism is lacking or stupid then take a gander over there and you'll be far more entertained.

Anyways, here's the article and my occasional interjections.


Here's a tip for the Phillies on how to win their high-risk arbitration hearing with Ryan Howard tomorrow.

This hearing is especially 'high risk' because, presumably, this hearing will be held on a pirate ship with the losers being forced to walk the plank. That must be it because I can't think of another reason why this is especially 'high-risk'.

Lose it. Take a dive. Make sure there's no way the three-man arbitration panel rules against the big first baseman.

This is a bold strategy. I can’t see what’s to be gained by it. Of course it’s easy for me to make these outlandish critiques when I’m not writing for the Philadelphia Inquirer. The Inquirer requires facts and the checking of said facts. I’m sure Mr. Sheridan will enlighten us as to why they should intentionally lose an arbitration hearing using facts. This sure would set quite a precedent as I’m fairly certain no team has ever, in the history of arbitration hearings lost on purpose.

Obviously the Phillies are prepared for this hearing, seeing as how they have time to stage elaborate, childish pranks on earnest young Kyle Kendrick. It must be gratifying not to have any baseball-related work to do.

It frightens me to know that the guy who staged this prank (Brett Myers) is also responsable for the preparation of arbitration hearings. Just what the hell kind of ship are they running down there? Seriously though hijinx of any sort have no place in a baseball clubhouse. You think they did stuff like that back in the day when baseball was a man’s game? Hell no! They went to Klan rallies, drank excessively and slept with hookers. Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb would be disgusted by this prank. Disgusted, I say!

We know they have done their due diligence. What we're advocating is that they take their carefully prepared case - their documents and charts and so on - and put it all through the shredder.

Because if these documents were ever to surface Ryan Howard’s delicate mental state would be thrust into the bottomless pit of despair and his confidence, now ruined, would never be the same. Why do people think professional athletes who deal with constant scrutiny everyday about everything they do can’t handle somebody sitting across the table from them saying “He strikes out a lot. He’s not a great fielder. He could get hurt”? HE’S A GROWN MAN!! HE CAN TAKE IT!

The team lists its own comparable players, lesser ones with lesser salaries, and explains the player's shortcomings to the arbitrators. It is a process that can't help but leave the player feeling unloved and resentful.

Yet another allusion to the idea that Ryan Howard has the mental fragility of a fucking 6-year-old. HE’S A GODDAMN ADULT! Not only that – he’s a pretty accomplished baseballer and one hell of a batsman! Why do people insist that Howard will harbor some resentment towards the Phillies front office for pointing out things he is already aware of. They aren’t telling him anything he doesn’t already know!

It's also important that Howard feel loved because otherwise.....um.....he may start playing for another team who knows how to love him more? What point are you making?

The Phillies should skip that part.

Just skip it - the same way you would skip someone while playing UNO or when you fold in poker. Only in this case it would be like folding in poker before any of the cards are dealt. Perhaps you don't like the color of the deck or the way the dealer keeps asking you to stop spilling your drink on the felt.

Let Howard and agent Casey Close present their side and take a pass when it's time to counterpunch. Shrug and say the dog must have eaten their paperwork.

Wait wait wait - the Phillies have a team dog? Why have I not seen pictures? No, wait...oooh, you! Sheridan you're such a card!

Make it obvious to Howard that they're tanking the hearing for the greater good.

The greater good of what exactly? How are they supposed to have any leverage in later arbitration hearings or contract negotiations when they give the “Aw shucks. You’re a hell of a guy. Just take the 10 million – we don’t want it” defense? Arbitration hearings are based on precedent. If he gets 10 million then he’ll be due a raise from that next year and so on. Why in the world would the Phillies do this? We still haven’t been told why this is a good idea.

For the Phillies, in this one case, losing is really winning.

As it so often is in sports. It’s the moral victories that lead to championships. That’s general managin', ya'll!

They win on public perception.

Which is to say - they don't actually win anything at all.

You could do a master's thesis in sociology on why so many sports fans get upset about the idea that a player like Howard - or Brian Westbrook, to cite another recent example - might be underpaid.

One could also to a master’s thesis on why this makes absolutely no sense and isn’t even the least bit true. I assure you nobody is 'upset' that Ryan Howard may only make 7 million dollars this year. They may think he deserves more but nobody is angry about it.

In all honesty, Sheridan really demonstrates how he has his finger on the pulse of the average fan because I agree completely. It is downright criminal for players of Howard’s caliber to be underpaid in such a manner. I say you get paid by the home run and additional bonuses for RBIs and batting averages – you know, the stats that mean something. Really chaps my ass, I’ll tell ya.

Fans see Freddy Garcia making $10 million and Howard making $900,000, and it seems totally unfair.

You know why? Because it is totally unfair. It's how baseball does things, but that doesn't make it fair.

Only it’s not. Because Freddy Garcia has pitched at a consistent level (sans last year) in the league for NINE YEARS which is one of the major factors when it comes to compensating players. But, really – the Phillies should worry about public perception rather than running a good organization. Essentially, the argument here is that the Phillies should tank the hearing because it'll make the fans happy. I hope to God the Phillies don't make moves simply to make fans happy because if they did we would have Aaron Rowand in centerfield until 2020 and Jamie Moyer would never, ever retire.

So the Phillies can cancel Poor Ryan's Almanac for a whole year by contriving to lose this hearing tomorrow. They can console themselves in the knowledge that the extra $3 million is much less than they gain from having Howard as a box-office draw.

Which would be a valid argument if the Phillies were in any jeopardy of losing Howard as a “box-office draw” except for the fact that they aren't. He isn’t eligible for free-agency until 2011 so…..you’re arguing the Phillies should just squander 3 million because they might hurt this poor man’s feelings and to satisfy a few fans who don’t know anything about baseball? Fuck me – you’re right. Boy, do I feel stupid. Phillies, please just do the fans a solid and listen to Mr. Sheridan.

Best of all, they can change the entire dynamic of their relationship with the best young power hitter they've ever had. Until now, for reasons ranging from the presence of Jim Thome to the Phillies' own apparent inability to recognize Howard's potential, they have paid very little for a lot of home runs, a rookie-of-the-year season, and an MVP season.

And so to make up for all that cheap labor they should absolutely give up their leverage and over-pay for those future home runs that haven't happened yet. Makes perfect sense to me!!

If Howard gets his $10 million, he will finally be on the positive side of the ledger book, and that will shift the responsibility for what follows to Howard.

Because until he makes 10 million a year the responsibility for his future performance was on.....someone else? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING???

If he proves he's worth the $10 million and more in the years to come, that will mean the Phillies got another great season from him. That big long-term deal will not look at all risky.

A season which they WOULD HAVE GOTTEN ANYWAYS REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME OF THE ARBITRATION HEARING!!! What exactly do they have to gain by throwing this arbitration hearing???? I still haven't been given a reason why this is a good idea.

If Howard has a dropoff in production, the Phillies have an interesting decision to make. They could continue to work toward a long-term deal on the good-faith assumption that Howard will be worth it over his career, or they could return to the arbitration process without looking like tightwads.

You know I totally get this one because have the same problem sometimes. The other day Timmy handed me this note he got from Cassandra in study hall last period and Cassandra said that I was totally a tightwad because, like, I bought socks at Target instead of Gap even though they're the same socks just cheaper. I guess I’d better buy more expensive socks for the sake of public perception. Lest I look like a tightwad. Seriously – this is a professional baseball team not a fucking high school cafeteria.

I suppose in Sheridan’s world a conversation between Phillies execs goes something like this.

GM: Well, we should at least go to the hearing and save 3 million in case we need to trade for somebody later.
Assistant GM: No way, dude. I was listening to the radio and everybody is saying we’re tightwads. We can’t have people thinking that.
GM: (stands up and slams his fists on the table) They said WHAAAAAT?!?! You’re absolutely right. Give him the money! Cancel the hearing! We're doing it for the people, damnit!!

Lose tomorrow and the Phillies make their fans happy, appease a superstar player,

I challenge anyone to cite an example of appeasement not working. Can't do it can you? Sheridan - 1 Everyone Else - 0.

and set themselves up for a better relationship with him for years - all for $3 million.

Actually, by “tanking” the hearing they set themselves up for a lopsided relationship for the future where Howard and his agent have simply been handed everything they’ve asked for. Nothing like dating someone who does everything you want them to. You just respect the hell out of them because you know they respect themselves. Why else would they do everything you want them to? It’s win-win for everybody!

Heck, that's more than they got out of Rod Barajas last year.

Oh no he DIDEN! Rod Barajas sucks! Ryan Howard’s awesome! Pay the man! WOOOOOOoooo. ....... I feel sick.



I actually thought this article was written in jest at first. Sadly, however, I'm pretty sure he's serious. This is a terrible idea and I sincerely hope the Phillies agree with me. Seasoned and reasoned aren't the words that came to mind when I was reading this. I'm sure Sheridan is a good guy I just cannot possibly disagree with this article any more than I do.