Brady listed as "mysterious" for Sunday's game

I cannot begin to describe the love every female in the city of Boston has for Tom Brady. It's like he cured cancer or captured Osama bin-Laden or something (yeah, that's what the ladies like). Whenever, he's on the TV there's always a gaggle of broads giggling and conjuring up mental situations in which Tom comes to their apartment and, like a gentleman, gets naked. The guy's a rock star. I feel no shame in saying I wish I was Tom Brady. I doubt any other guy feels differently. I feel.....sick.

The story with Brady this past week was that his ankle was all screwed up from a hit he took in the San Diego game. The well-respected and totally legitimate "news" outlet TMZ were the ones to "break" this story because in their daily routine of stalking famous people they saw Tom Brady walk into his girlfriend's apartment with a boot on his foot. Let me say now, that very few people slept much that night.

Inspired by this story, I figured why not give in to a little "What If" segment. What if Tom Brady had a regular job? Let's say, I don't know.....software salesman. We're talking entry level, cold-calling type job. And.....go....

Int. Office Bullpen

TOM BRADY is sitting in a cubicle with a headset on and staring a a call list on his computer screen. He's not playing solitaire or checking his personal e-mails because Tom Brady doesn't mix business with pleasure. He is talking to a customer.

Brady: It's great software, Kenny. You're gonna love it............I just talked to a guy who bought in Kansas City last month and he's saved himself over 2 weeks worth of man hours.......Uh-huh......Exactly.....Appreciate your business, Kenny......Take it easy.

Brady hangs up the phone, walks over to a large bell on the wall and rings it. His boss and co-workers come out to congratulate him.

Boss: Great job, Tom Brady.
CO-worker 1: Way to close, Tom Brady.
Co-worker 2: You're unstoppable, Tom Brady.
Co-worker 3: Get fucked, Tom Brady!

A hush falls over the crowd as everyone stares at co-worker 3 (their names are not important because none of them are Tom Brady).

Co-worker 3: Ahhh, you know I'm just yankin' ya. You're the man, Tom Brady.

Everyone laughs and returns to their desks. Tom Brady's boss strolls over to Tom Brady's desk.

Boss: You're really hitting your stride here, man. The quarter's only half over and you're already met you numbers. You've really got a future here, Tom Brady.
Tom Brady: I just love the work, boss. The people are what make it worth getting up everyday. I just love helping people.
Boss: You're a good man, Tom Brady. You really wow-ed that rep from the San Francisco office last week too.
Tom Brady: I think it was your numbers that made the presentation, boss. Couldn't have done it without you.
Boss: You're a stand-up guy, Tom Brady.

Tom Brady's boss walks away. Tom Brady leans back in his chair as he dials another number. A Female co-worker comes up to his desk and sits on it.

Co-worker: Hey, Tom Brady.

Brady points to the phone, indicating that he is currently using it.

Co-worker: I can wait for you.
Tom Brady (into the phone): Hey, Bruce. This is Tom Brady. Just wanted to check up see how the kids were. Also, I sent you some information about our new software package, wanted to see if you got a chance to take a look at it. Drop me a line, when you get a chance. We'll rap a little. Have a good one, Bruce.
Co-worker: You're so good on the phone.
Tom Brady: Thanks, I practice on the weekends sometimes.
Co-worker: Wow, Tom Brady, you're really a hard worker.
Tom Brady: My dad told me that's the only way to succeed.
Co-worker: He's right. But, what's important is you and me.
Tom Brady: Listen, we've been over this. I'm dating a super model. She's way hotter than you and she's smart. Scientists think she's the greatest woman on the planet. I can't argue with science, I'm just Tom Brady.
Co-worker: You're right, Tom Brady. I was wrong to try to seduce you. You're a good man. I actually made you a pie. I'm sad, but I still want you to have it for being so awesome.
Tom Brady: Thanks, it sure looks good.
Co-worker: It is. I made it from scratch.....that I bought at the bakery!

They bough laugh a hearty laugh.

Tom Brady: You're so funny, co-worker. I can't believe you're 45 and you've never been married.
Co-workers: Guys are such pigs, except you.
Tom Brady: Yeah, I'm pretty great. But there's plenty of other guys who are almost as great.
Co-workers: I wish there were. I'll let you be for now. See-ya, Tom Brady.

She walks away. Tom Brady looks at the clock and sees that it's 5:15. He grabs his things and walks towards the exit. A male co-worker comes up to him.

Co-worker: Hey, Tom Brady. Wait up. Me and some of the fellas are gonna grab a beer after work, you want to come?
Tom Brady: Well, I was gonna study tonight. I'm taking the Bar Exam tomorrow.
Co-worker: Come on, Tom Brady. You've already passed the bar in all the other 49 states. Come on, I'm buyin.
Tom Brady: Well, I guess one beer won't hurt. Co-worker number two, I'm there.
Co-worker: All right!

The two leap in the air and high-five each other.



Aaaand....scene. Wouldn't you like work with Tom Brady?