Not a little Taguchi....Sooooo Taguchi

Forget what I said when I claimed Chad Durbin was the key off-season acquisition for the Phillies this winter. Earlier this week my beloved Phillies inked veteran outfielder So Taguchi to a one year deal. I can't really say much about this signing. When I heard about it I was hoping for a minute maybe Taguchi could also pitch. However, it was then I remembered one of the great moments of Billy Wagner's pitching "getting in the way" of a hitter's swing.

It was October 13th and the Phillies had already shit the bed that season. It looked as though the much ballyhooed Metropolitans squad of Flushing was actually going to live up to expectations and reach the World Series for the first time in, wait for it -- six years. I was stumbling around the Ithaca Commons with about a baker's dozen Keystone Lights in my body and one thing on my mind was the same thing that's on every college guy's mind -- god damn, do I hate the fucking Mets. Naturally, I ducked into a local watering hole to watch, what i assumed would be, the Mets wrap up a 2-0 series lead and drown my sorrows in 2.50 cans of PBR. Yes, it was that sort of a night.

It began with no body on and no body out in the top of the 9th. Closer Billy Wagner stepped to the mound to preserve the tie. Naturally, Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa pinch hit for Chris Duncan with an outfielder the size of a corn stalk. I''ll admit I didn't think much of Taguchi the first time I laid eyes on him. But I'll be damned if he didn't smack the holy shit out of a Wagner offering and put the Cardinals ahead. I was ecstatic. I lived with a Mets fan the previous year and had to endure the torment that went along with that. I had to hear about how John Maine was awesome and Oliver Perez was simply Sandy Koufax with a wispy mustache. I listened to nonsense of that nature all year. Watching a guy who weighs about 140 pounds soaking wet hit a go-ahead home run off that slapdick Billy Wagner nearly brought tears to my eyes. After Wagner gave up an additional three runs and the brought in (gulp) Roberto Hernandez to put out the fire I was on a mission. I had to find a Mets fan. I simply had to.

Well, it was about that time when I strolled into another bar and who should I see but the very same roommate from the previous year. Steam was coming out of his ears and rage was bubbling from his eyeballs. He looked like his head was going to explode at any minute. I figured I'd better not bother him, but then I thought better of it. Here's the interaction that took place.

(he sees me walking towards him and puts his hand up)
Roommate: AARON!
Me: Hey, listen man. That's a tough loss.
Roommate: Get away from me!
(I put my arm around him as if I'm going to say something encouraging)
Me: Just so we're clear -- he's not a little taguchi....he's soooooo taguchi.
(I start laughing uncontrollably)
Roommate: AARON!

And then he stormed off. It sure sounded a lot funnier at the time. Anyways, I'm all for getting a 5th outfielder who can play all three positions reasonably well. He makes a good amount of contact and in CBP he may even hit a couple home runs for good measure. This was yet another safe play by the Phillies front office. I'm a fan of cheap, one-year deals. From what I can tell Taguchi finds a way to hit .280 pretty much every year, I can live with that. The problem I have is that if Victorino can't stay healthy this is presumably the guy who plays center field. I am not OK with his royal So-ness playing everyday even if it's for a couple weeks. Aw, hell. Here's hoping that every single guy on the roster doesn't get hurt like last season.

Football Friday: Week 17

This week is packed full of games that I wouldn't go near and games I simply have no opinion on. Factor that in with the excessive hangover I am feeling and I leave you in the capable hands of the Gentleman Who Never Wins. Week 17 usually is a fairly crappy week of football. So, in an effort to get spirirts up here's a picture of Chris Berman having more fun than you've ever had in your life. On with the picks....

Week 17 Picks
Last week went only marginally better than the first, posting an 8-7-1 record as opposed to 8-8. Slow and steady wins the race. I feel compelled to mention the Detroit Lions once again, who are the sole reason that there was a push last week. There have been 240 games this season, and after scouring the NFL results for the entire season, only 3 games have ended with a differential of 5 points, and sure enough, when the Lions are favored by 5, the manage to find a way to land right on the dot. There is not a more significant gambling anomaly in professional sports than that of the Lions of Detroit, Michigan.

Patriots (-14) at Giants
As a whole, there are technically only 5 games that actually matter this week as far as the post season goes, but as far as history is concerned this is still being considered as an important game. All New England cares about is winning this game, and all New York cares about is not getting embarrassed on national television again before the playoffs start. It’s in New York which means that the weather will probably not be conducive to the Patriots air it out style, so I think that New York is the safe bet here.

Pick – Giants +14

Bills at Eagles (-7.5)
The Bills are in this position nearly every season, going into the last game either trying to avoid an 8-8 season or trying to get to that point. The Eagles have been pretty good against teams this year who basically just want to run the ball first, which is a credit to the play of the linebackers and defensive tackles who are normally the weak spot of their defense. Whether or not this is Donovan’s last game as a Bird, I think he’s going to go into this game with that mentality and he’ll use this opportunity to showcase himself to the rest of the teams who are looking for a quick fix.

Pick – Eagles -7.5

Panthers (-3) at Buccaneers
This is why week seventeen is even more of a crap shoot than any other normal week, because you have to evaluate games that are being played between two teams who really stand nothing to gain by winning the game. Thus, the Panthers are favored on the road because Tampa is likely to pull any and all starters before the second quarter. How sweet is it that we might get to see nearly 40 year old Jeff Garcia knock poor lil’ Eli out of the playoffs two years in a row? That’s beside the point though. The Panthers play their most inspired ball when the game means absolutely nothing, so that’s my impetus here.

Pick – Panthers -3

Lions at Packers (-4)
I still can’t get over the Lions pushing on that 5 point spread, especially at home against a KC team that has been so terrible for almost 3 months now. It’ll probably be cold, which means lots of running from at least one of these teams, and the 5 people with NFL Network will remember that Aaron Rodgers didn’t look half bad in his one significant appearance this year against the Cowboys. Aaron will remember that almost 5 months ago at his fantasy football draft he threw his hands in the air in disgust when somebody else drafted rookie Brandon Jackson for the Packers, and this is the first time since week 2 that he will actually have a contribution to the team.

Pick – Packers -4

Bengals at Dolphins
They haven’t posted a line for this game yet, probably just because it really doesn’t even deserve one. The only interesting thing I can point out about this game is that of the 32 teams in the NFL, the Bengals are the only team identified as a non-existent word by Microsoft Word. Because, ya know, I run into 49ers and Steelers just about every day of the week.

Pick – Bengals by a 7 sounds about right, and that should be enough to cover on the road.

Jaguars at Texans
Sheesh, yet another game where the line hasn’t even been posted. I hate the seventeenth week, I really do. The Jags have had that #5 seed wrapped up for a while, yet they’ve been crushing teams nonetheless. I don’t suppose they’ll let up on the pedal before they head to Pittsburgh for their wild card game.

Pick – Jaguars by 17

Saints at Bears
Well, what do you know, another game with no line. Now, I could understand not having a line for this game if the Vikings or Redskins were playing before the Saints (a win by either team knocks the Saints out) but this is the lone 1pm game of the three so I’m confused why they haven’t offered a spread. Since they’ll be playing with the “might as well win and see what happens” attitude, I completely foresee the Saints doing what every other team would do in that situation, which is lose a heartbreaker at the finish.

Pick – Bears by 1

Seahawks at Falcons (+1.5)
Mike Holmgren probably gets a bonus if his team wins 11 games compared to 10, which should be enough incentive to get past a Falcons team who left it all on the field last week against the Cardinals, and yet still lost.

Pick – Seahawks +1.5

49ers at Browns (-10)
Football fans around the nation can breathe a sigh of relief that the 49ers have managed to put together this clutch 2 game winning streak, moving the Patriots first round pick closer to #10 instead of #1. Poor Browns, I was really pullin for them to get that last playoff spot. Again, weather will probably play a factor in this one, and I think Jamal Lewis might put up another one of his good 30 carry efforts and Cleveland will coast to a win.

Pick – Browns by 10

Cowboys at Redskins (-9.5)
It’s like bizzarro world in Vegas. I bet Terry Glenn gets thrown to no less that 15x in this game so they can make some sort of evaluation if he should even be considered for the active roster in a playoff game. Dallas has had basically no injuries all year, which means the entire second unit is probably pretty green on the field, and the Redskins (in theory) will be hell bent on getting that last playoff spot so they can get their hotly anticipated playoff rematch with Seattle in round one. Knowing all that, the Redskins might win, but they’ll manage to find a way to make this close.

Pick – Cowboys +9.5

Steelers (-3.5) at Ravens
The Steelers do one thing well, and that’s blitz, which I think that Troy Smith is not completely ready to handle. He’ll turn it over enough that the Steelers will be able to cover this spread, and I think Najeh Davenport is out to prove he can carry a starters load.

Pick – Steelers -3.5

Vikings (-3) at Broncos
Remember when it used to be a chore to go to Denver in the second half of the year and win? Adrien Peterson and Chester Taylor combine to a force which is slightly less dominant than Ladanian Tomlinson, but they should be enough to get the Vikings a win here. Also, this is being played the same time as the Redskins game, and if the Cowboys manage to get a lead in that game, I think we’ll see the Vikings defense go nuts on this crappy Broncos attack.

Pick – Vikings -3

Chargers (-9) at Raiders
The Chargers have actually been one of the few teams in recent weeks that people can count on to win by double digits, and they do need to win this game to avoid playing the Jaguars in the first round of the playoffs. LT would like nothing more than to end this game by halftime so that he can take his usual seat on the bench and let the reserves play out the rest of it.

Pick – Chargers -9

Rams at Cardinals (-6), Jets at Chiefs (-6)
Essentially the exact same game so I can write the exact same thing. No reason to think either one of the favorites should win the game, so therefore there is no reason to think that they’ll win by more than a FG or two either.
Pick – Rams, Jets +6

Titans -6.5 at Colts
FINALLY! An interesting game! This one actually does grab my interest, because the Colts have gotta know that the Titans pose a much greater threat in the playoffs than the Browns because 1)The Titans can play defense and 2)They can run the ball well and have a dual threat QB. Tony Dungy is a proponent of resting starters, but based on comments by Peyton Manning throughout his career, he’d much rather play every game start to finish. I think they’ll meet halfway, and Peyton will get the first half along with the rest of the starters, which might cause the Titans to panic a bit and let the Colts build a lead by halftime. This is an opportunity for the Colts to really make a statement going into the playoffs, that while the Pats might be 16-0 and walking over teams that have nothing to play for, the Colts are still whipping teams that have everything to play for.

Pick – Colts +6.5

Football Friday: So.....is it this playoffs yet?

It's Friday.  The week's over.  Sit back, relax.  Enjoy the picks.  These were submitted
to me Wednesday evening before the Thursday game.  And for no reason at all here's a
picture of John Madden.




Rams at Steelers (-8)

Honestly, last week against Green Bay was the first time I had seen the
Rams play all year, and I was impressed for about half an hour.
Sadly, their defense turned to mush after that and the game never got close
again.  Seems like when they get down, they stay down, and Pittsburgh
seriously needs to pound someone to start getting taken seriously again.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Steelers finally get a convincing win
(-8)

Cowboys (-11) at Panthers

State of the Cowboys: This week T.O complained about somebody being a distraction.  Don't think
there even needs to be a joke about that.  Romo's got a boo boo on his thumb, and by that I mean
it's likely broken.  They looked "off" last week and I couldn't seem to figure out why (although I was
not complaining).  I can't see them losing to this Panthers team, even on the road.

State of the Panthers: Michael Moore did a nice job blending in with the background last week in a
win over the Seahawks.  He didn't throw any picks and didn't kill them.  Is somebody on their way to
'game manager' status?  Hell if I know.  There would have been a time when holding Shaun Alexander
to 17 yards was an accomplishment but now it's par for the course.  I wish I had more to say about
the Panthers but I really just their they've a boring, boring football team.

Guy who's always wrong:
This eleven point spread is becoming a ridiculous trend for Dallas, who
has been favored by said line 3 of the past 4 weeks.  They don't run
the ball well, despite Marion Barber's inflated TD total, and they
aren't particularly adept at protecting the passer either.  Carolina is THAT
team that always tends to finish strong just to ensure they don't get
a top 10 pick and everybody thinks they are a Super Bowl contender the
next season, so I think they'll give Dallas a worthwhile fight.
Finally, does anyone else chuckle and laugh every time Joe Buck says "Romo
has been trying to hook up with TO for a few weeks now?"

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Panthers (+11)

Browns (-3) at Bengals

State of the Browns: They brought their lunch pails last week in an 8-0 victory at home against a confusing
but possibly good Bills team.  Seriously, who wins a football game 8-0?  Anyways, if you take away the snow
they are the same team they've been all year.  On an unrelated note, it amuses the hell out of me when Patriots
fans complain about Wes Welker getting snubbed from the Pro Bowl because every time I've asked who shouldn't
have made it in order for Welker to be on the squad the answer has been "Braylon Edwards, kid.  Who the fuck is
that guy?  Dood, Welkahs a fackin' monsta, kid."  Seriously, go die.

State of the Bengals: I'm gonna have to agree with my colleague who is never right on this.  Their defense sucks
somethin awful and I can't figure out why they refuse to run the ball.  I'd make an easy joke here about getting
arrested but why bother?  It's old news.  What interests me is that T.J Houshmandzadeh finally gets some love
while Chad Johnson is left to wonder why his fruity dances and incomprehensible interviews didn't earn him an
invite.
Guy who's often incorrect says:
Finally, two teams that I actually think that I'm starting to
understand.  The Bengals are too pass happy for a team with two talented running
backs, and when you constantly are going three and out the lackluster
defense is obviously going to pay the consequences.  The Browns simply
move the ball, there's no special way to say it, and their defense is
competent enough to keep the ball in their hands for most of the game.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Browns (-3)

Packers (-9) at Bears

State of the Packers: Everything seems to be turning up Pack this season.  Favre is his usual self and their
defense is really quite stifling.  I'd actually credit their defense much more than Favre's "resurgence" to their
new found prowess.  Having Ryan Grant stumble his way into the semblance of a running game is helpful also.
At this point in the season I keep trying to figure out which NFC team would give the AFC a run for it's money
in the Super Bowl and I can't think of one.  I mention this now because the Packers are supposedly one of the
best reams in the NFC and I don't see them beating the Colts or Patriots.

State o the Bears: What a difference a year makes.  Could they have looked worse on Monday night?  They're
more or less the same team they were last year but they are just bad now.  They forced 5 turnovers and scored
13 points.  That's miserable.  Thinking back on it now, was Sexy Rexy really the problem?  And if he was, is
Kyle Orton really the answer?

Guy who's wrong says:
I'll admit, I'm a little ticked off with the Bears.  Their loss against
the Vikes on Monday night knocked my birds out of the playoffs, and
Minnesota seemed intent on letting Tavaris Jackson give that game away.
They say you should pick with your brain, not your heart, but in this
case they are both saying the same thing... DOWN WITH THE BEARS!

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Packers lay in on heavy (-9)

Texans at Colts (-7)
State of the Texans: At 7-7 they are everything a .500 team is expected to be -- confusing.

State of the Colts: They're resting everybody, I assume. Yet, even when they've done that in the past Jim
Sorgi puts up one of his monster late season performances that includes 250 yards, a couple TDs, at least 10
shots of Peyton looking on to show everybody how much he loves football and an awkward hug/handshake from
Peyton as Peyton leans over and whispers "You had three other guys open, idiot."

Guy who is often wrong says:
These games are always interesting, at least for the fist half.  I feel
as though the Texans only have a real chance at beating Indy when they
are at home, but this game does offer a bit of a twist.  The Colts
have wrapped up the #2 seed, and they can do no better or worse than that
spot.  Dungy believes in resting his stars, and last week's effort in
Oakland showed this offense without Marvin Harrison just isn't as
touchdown happy.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Texans (+7)

Chiefs at Lions

State of the Chiefs: Brodie Croyle is in there now and he's going to take some lumps on his way to being a poor
man's Rick Meier.  It's fun to watch.  I have nothing to say about this team.  They are as uninteresting as an
NFL team could possibly be and next year I'm sure I'll get to go behind the scenes of their training camp.  Until
then I could care less about Herm Edwards' bunch.

State of the Lions: I know nothing about this team and I take comfort in that because neither does anybody else.
Are the even good?  Were they ever good at any point in the season?  Remember when they looked poised to
actually win 10 games?  They were actually 6-2 at one point!  What happens to teams like this?

Guy who's often incorrect says:
Last week I said the Lions would go into San Diego and win.  Oops.  In
fact, I should change my nickname to "The Guy Who Is Never Right about
the Detroit Lions," because I really have had no idea how to pick this
team for the past ten years of my life when I first entered the
neighborhood football pool.  Larry Johnson might play, but who cares, he
wasn't doing anything special anyway.  Neither one of these teams interest
me because they have lost a combined 13 games in a row.  Detroit has to
light up the scoreboard one of these weeks.... don't they?

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Lions (-5)

The New York Football Giants (-3) at Bills

State of the Giants: I'm giggling as I type this because I hoped and prayed this season would bring about yet
another December collapse and God help me it came once again.  On Sunday Night I watched Eli Manning
attempt 51 passes and complete a whopping 18 of them.  Apparently he struggles with wind in addition to
struggling with cold weather, hostile fans and the NFL sized ball.  This begs the questions: why didn't he want
t play in San Diego?  Or perhaps he thought all NFL games were played indoors and having to deal with actual
weather wasn't part of football?  I give up.  Enjoy Eli in Buffalo.....in December.

State of the Bills: Last wee doesn't really say much to me because of the snow.  Every snow game looks like
it could easily be a backyard football game between a bunch of kids because much of the fine skills pros have
that idiots like me and my friends do not are negated by the fact that you can't cut or catch the ball anywhere else
to the way you normally could.  They've got to like their chances against the Giants.  Both teams have something
to play for and this may actually end up being the game of the week.  Random question: could two teams that are
actually in the same state seem more far apart form each other?

Guy who regularly picks the incorrect team claims:
If there is one team in the NFL that you can salvage an entire betting
season on, it's the G-Men at the end of the year, who are FAVORED, ON
THE ROAD, against a TOUGH AFC TEAM!  How the hell is this possible??????
Eli can't stand bad weather, (remember how Al and John couldn't shut
up about that dreaded WIND) and this is a Buffalo team built for this
time of year when the weather isn't permitting. (Barring snowstorms in
Cleveland, but really the Bills didn't do anything to lose that game)

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Bills SHUT DOWN Eli (+3)

Raiders at Jaguars (-14)

State of the Raiders: Losing Fargas is a blow of sorts.  Not to their playoff chances, of course, those were blown
long ago.  They always seem to keep games close.  Last week the Colts needed a 4th quarter TD to beat them.
They don't really get talked about much simply because after last year everybody has gotten used to avoiding
them.

State of the jaguars:  Can't say enough about them after that win last week.  They looked awful good and once
again David Garrard handled business as he always does -- at his own pace.  Having two top notch backs really
does have it's advantages and the gentleman who more often than not neglects to wager on the correct side of
an American footballing competition will explain further.


The Jaguars are excellent at the end of games, whether they are up by 3
or they are up by 30.  With their great two running back system, then
never seem to get tired, which is why they are so effective in the
fourth quarter.  This week they go up against that inspired young Oakland
defense, who came pretty close to holding Peyton in check last week
while Joseph Addai floundered.  They can hang with the Jags for a while,
but somehow the Jags will end up covering this.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Jags (+14)

Eagles at Saints (-3.5)

State of the Eagles:  Well, my beloved Birds won a hard fought victory against Dallas last week.  That victory
will likely keep them form getting the higher draft pick they could really use.  Sigh.  Sometimes the glass really
is half empty.  I would like to see Donovan put up some numbers before he leaves the city as he seems sure
he will once the season is over.  It'll be a nice taste of what used to be.

State of the Saints:  Suddenly, they're in the playoff hunt again.  If they take care of their business it is a pretty
good bet the Giants will do their part and lose their last two games.  Brees has looked better and believe it or
not they are a better team with Aaron Stecker at running back.  Reggie Bush can just relax and watch his squad
make the playoffs without him.

Guy who's wrong all the time say:
I can just imagine now thousands of Eagles fans shaking their heads in
disbelief during the post-game show as Andy Reid tries to explain how
they managed to lose another game by three points.  If only Bill Conlin
was as sexy as Pam Oliver, we'd have known about Donovan's status a
long time ago.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Literally, I think the Eagles will
lose by 3 (+3.5)

Falcons at Cardinals (-10.5)
This game is so utterly pointless I will defer to the guy who is never right:
Well, I thought picking a spread like this for the Falcons was easy
against the Bucs.  The Cardinals don't quite have the same prowess that
the Bucs do these days, but really, is there any reason to think the
Falcons will try any harder than they did last week?  Imagine being a
broadcaster being forced to call this game.  You'd almost have to bet the
spread just to keep yourself interested.  Actually, the Falcons should
bet the spread just to keep themselves interested.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Cardinals (-10.5)

Buccaneers (-7) at 49ers

State of the Bucs:  Boy they really took care of a crappy division didn't they?  Every time I look up they're
wrapping up a win against a mediocre team or a crappy team.  They could go 11-5 this year and nobody
outside of the Tampa area would notice.  Good for them.  Jeff Garcia has to be laughing pretty hard right now.

State of the 1849ers: Shaun Hill was a beast last week against a god awful Bengals defense.  I'd expect him to
come back down to Earth this week.

Guy who's never right:
Most people would say Derek Anderson, but my vote for biggest Pro Bowl
snub is without a doubt Earnest Graham.  This team in infinitely better
with him in the backfield than when they had that little midget Caddy.
I sure do hope Marion Barber enjoys his undeserved time in Hawaii.
(It may be undeserved, but he's already my pick for Pro Bowl MVP running
against a defense that doesn't want to get hurt and isn't allowed to
blitz.  For a team with no Pro Bowlers and a 9-5 record, Tampa is sure
puttin up one hell of a squad this year.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Bucs (-7)

Dolphins at Patriots (-22)

State of the Dolphins:  Well they're not going to lose every game but they're sure gonna lose this one.  Even
the resurgent Cleo Lemon won't be able to save them.

State of the Patriots: What's to say?  They're good.  They're a bunch of pricks.  I can't wait to watch them every
week.  This is the NFL.  I love it.

Guy who's wrong:
The Patriots haven't covered one of their ridiculous spreads in a
while.  It's not because they aren't capable, but the weather has really not
been working in their favor.  The Eagles, the Ravens, the Jets....
these are the teams that are hanging tight with the Pats.  I don't see why
the newly revitalized Dolphins can't do the same.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Dolphins (+22)

Ravens at Seahawks

State of the Ravens: Have you ever run into a bit of a cold streak where you haven't gotten laid in a while and
you figure you'll finally go after that girl that's always at the end of the bar who's hooked up with every single
guy on the planet only to get turned down?  That's the Ravens right now.

State of the Seahawks: Losing to the Panthers?  That hurts.  They'll get over it and crab walk into the playoffs
with Shaun Alexander averaging 1.5 yards a carry and 30 all purpose yards a game.  Nothing like a reliable
running game.

Guy who's never right says:
It's depressing when you pick a game wrong, but it's even worse when
you mention the very reason you are about to get it wrong in an online
blog.  Seattle + 1pm road game + east coast = "surprising loss"  Well,
this week the tables have turned, and Seattle will be hosting a crappy
east coast team on Seattle time.  I picked the Ravens to lose to the
Dolphins on the road, so this one seems pretty easy.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Seahawks by 14 (Line not available
yet)

The New York Football Jets at Titans (-8.5)

State of the Jets: They can hold their heads high after a good showing last week in New England.  Chad Pennington
threw for more yards than Brady which was kinda neat.  I feel like they have a little more in them and they may
actually jump on the Titans in this one, just a hunch.

State of the Titans:  Vince Young went an entire game without turning the ball over.  I know someone who's getting
a gold sticker!  Again, I do like the Titans defense a lot and really think they'll give the best teams in the league
some trouble.  That's the best offenses, I mean.  An offense like that of the Jets, well...they may give them problems

Guy who's never right says:
As opposed to, obviously, the New York Airline Jets.  I went as long as
I could without mentioning fantasy football, but here we are.  I
picked up the Titans back in week 8 specifically for this game should I make
it to the championship game (which I did!), and I'm not about to go
back on my instincts from October.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Titans (-8.5)

Redskins at Vikings (-6.5)

State o the Skins: Who needs the Qwik-E-Mart?  Or Jason Campbell for that matter?  Not these Redskins.  They
went into the Meadowlands and stomped out the Giants last week.  Now, here's their problem this week.  Their
best asset on offense is running the ball.  The Vikings are excellent at stopping the run.  Who do you think wins
this epic clash?  We'll just have to wait and see.

State o the Vikings: Well they sure can run the ball.  That's what everybody said before they played the Bears
on Monday night and the entire nation got a chance to see the new and improved Tavaris Jackson.  Now that we
all know about this new and improved quarterback people are saying "Boy, they sure can run the ball."

Guy who's never right:
If Jason Campbell was playing, I guess the Skins would have a chance.
Wait a minute, what am I saying, the Skins have Todd Collins, backup QB
extrordinaire, and the Vikings don't believe for a second that he can
throw on them.... do they?  This game will be an interesting study of
Joe Gibbs philosophy of football.  On the road, in a dome, against the
#1 run defense in the league... that means throw the ball doesn't it?
It should, and I'm actually going to give Gibbs the benefit of the doubt
here and say that he realizes it.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Redskins (+6.5)

Broncos at Chargers (-9)

State o the Broncos: What happened, guys?  You should be able to run the ball but you can't.  You should be able
to throw the ball but you can't.  You should be able to defend against the pass but you can't do that either?  What
can the Denver Broncos do?  Kick field goals.  Jason Elam is still going strong.

State o the Bolts: Who needs LT when you've got Darren Sproles?  Admittedly, Jon Kitna throwing 5 picks last
week helped pad the score a tad.  However, they seem to be doing alright for themselves with or without Jon Kitna.

Guy who's never right:
I've tried to ride the Broncos all year, and they've killed me at just
about every step of the way.  They just aren't that good, and for the
life of me I just can't understand why.  They should have a run game,
they have big play WR's, and they have a great secondary which should

allow them to load up on the run, but none of it seems to work. That
smells like a big day for LT, despite the fact that favorites on Monday

night have been so putrid this season.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says - Chargers (-9)

Look, everybody! It's Geoff Jenkins!

The impact personnel move all Phillies fans had anticipated finally happened. The Fightin's inked outfielder Geoff Jenkins to a two year worth 13 million dollars. The deal includes an option for a third, increasing the value of the contract to 20 million. I have to say I am less than excited. Actually, that doesn't quite do my emotions justice. I simply don't have any feelings about this signing. He's a nice player and will probably make the Phils a better team next year but giving the option for three years seems a bit much (third year is a vesting option).

Judging from this picture, it's possible Gillick only wants him for his pimp juice (hoooooo! I'm talkin' yo pimp juice!) However, it's more likely he wants him for his baseball prowess. The problem with that logic is that he has less to offer in that category than a potential 20 million dollar contract may indicate.

I'm not going to bother going into defense. From what I gather, he can play a capable left and a serviceable right which I suppose is useful with Werth (only hit lefties last year) and Burrell (needs days off) manning the corners. It seems his best years may be behind him when it comes to hitting. His best year in that regard was 2000 when he cracked 34 homers and put up a stat line of .303/.360/.588 which is certainly nothing to sneeze at (he even stole 11 bases just cause). The theory with this signing is that he'll be platooned in right with Jayson Werth to provide above average production for the fraction of the price. This thinking is pretty reasonable. Jenkins' numbers against everybody (lefties and righties) dropped last season and some believe this may simply be the beginning for a decline (he'll be 34 in July). I look at the numbers and it seems he's been fairly consistent over the years. If he wasn't before, he is now a platoon guy at this point in his career.

I actually can't say I hate this signing. I was less than thrilled with the idea of Jayson Werth playing everyday against non-lefties and this takes care of that. I would have liked to have a guy who could play center field but you can't always have everything.

I think the Phillies may be one of the few teams that take into account performance against the Phillies as a factor when the evaluate players. Jenkins probably has hit .700 against the Phillies for his career and the Phils can't seem to ever beat the Brewers, especially in Milwaukee. This was also the case when the acquired Jeff Conine simply so the Marlins couldn't grab him so he could go 15 for 15 against the Phillies down the stretch. I suppose the organization just figures "If they play for us, they can't kill us anymore." Whatever, if Jenkins hits 20 homers a season for the next two years then this contract was a great one and if not then it's another Wes Helms head scratchier.

Oh yeah, they signed Chad Durbin, too. GET SOME! Just what we need, another Durbin.

What If Wednesdays: Roger Clemens

Oh, hey -- didn't see you come in. I suppose it's that time of week again. It's time for every body's favorite fantasy. No, not Jamie Lynn Spears (god, that's so topical...so fresh...so right now). It's 'What if Wednesday'! Today in the wake of the Mitchell Report not surprising anybody and simply serving to give Bud Selig the opportunity to punish players post hoc (Latin, bitches) we go into the lives of one of the most commonly mentioned players in the entire report -- Roger Clemens.

Clemens, regardless of any evidence, is still one of the greatest pitchers of all time. Red Sox fans generally think he's a scumbag, Yankees fans have cooled on him after his '07 performance, Astros fans probably just appreciate him bringing Andy Pettite and a NL pennant to the town and I'm not even sure Blue Jays fans know they still have a baseball team. Regardless of your opinion of the man, he is one hell of a pitcher. No one will argue otherwise. However, the things we don't know about him have cause me to speculate. Columnists have been calling for Clemens himself to address the issues brought up in the report, rather than simply issuing a statement. I'm going to assume he won't do that. So, I'm gonna do it for him. Most guys have been claiming they only did it once or in the case of David Justice he bought it but never used it because he didn't know needles were involved (really?) Let's see what Clemens' case will be.........


(Roger approaches the podium. Flashbulbs are popping all over the place. He gives his wife a huge, she introduced him, and she walks off stage crying. He takes a sip of water and looks down at his prepared statement.)

Roger: Thank you. I stand before you today with a heavy heart. I stand before you today full of rage and anger. However, I will set this rage aside and address the allegations leveled against me in George Mitchell's report. Allegations based solely on a conversation some dip shit trainer had with me over 7 years ago. To those of you wondering if I have ever used performance enhancing supplements the answer is yes. I have. Every morning when I wake up my wife shoots me in the ass with steroids. It's been that way since I left the Red Sox.

(Clemens pauses as the crowd gasps. He looks around and smugly smirks at the reporters.)

Ya'll belive that? Well, in that case I've got another one for you. I'm Jesus. That's right, ya'll. God's my daddy and I died for all your stupid sins. That's right. Suprised? Well you shouldn't be because you people are as stupid and gullible as anybody who's ever walked this fucking planet. Do you just believe anything anybody says? If a 10-year-old kid told someone he saw Goody Proctor with the devil would you morons chase Goody Proctor around till she admits to being a witch? Don't answer that, you probably would. Look, I've never used steroids and until you can give me proof that I have then you need to use a little journalistic integrity and admit you have o proof of anything. I'm Roger Clemens. I'm a World Champion, a Cy Young award winner and one hell of a an American. If that gives ya'll the creeps then I got nothing more to say. I'll now take your questions.

(Reporters scream at once. Roger points to one guy.)

Reporter 1: Roger, are you saying the accusations in the report are false?
Roger: I thought I was pretty clear on that. I'm not repeating myself. Next.

Reporter 2: Mr. Clemens, if these allegations were untrue you are basically saying Brian McNamee lied about injecting you in the ass with steroids. Is that your contention?
Roger: Are you callin' me a queer? Because if you're callin me queer we can handle this, pal. We can handle this Texas style motherfucker!
(Roger lunges at the reporter. He is restrained by three bodyguards.)
You better watch your damn mouth! Throwin' around accusations like that, ridiculous.

Reporter 3: Roger, Mr. McNamee was under oath when he testified that he injected you and saw you use HGH and steroids multiple times. Why would he perjure himself for no reason?
Roger: I don't understand the question. Purge....what are you askin?
Reporter 3: Why would he lie when he had no reason to do so?
Roger: I don't know. Maybe he thought if he named me they'd let him go. The feds have had it out for me for a while now.
Reporter 3: (confused) Um...the feds?
Roger: Yeah, they hate that I'm so successful and wealthy.

(There is a silence as Roger waits for people to ask him more questions.)

Roger: That it?
Reporter 4: What do you say to allegations that you and Andy Pettite's legendary workouts involved heavy doses of steroids and HGH?
Roger: I'd say until they can prove anything they can just keep on talking. You can't prove anything when me and him were the only guys there. That's how proof works. You can't say a dog shit on the carpet just because there's a turd in the living room. Didn't anybody see the dog do it so as far as I'm concerned my wife could have done it, and that's the way things should work. Thanks, that's all the questions I'm gonna take.


So, there you have it. Clemens thinks we're all a bunch of witch hunting Puritans. He may be on to something. However, he also suspects his wife of pooping on the living room carpet so.....factor that in as well.

Yet another request to Mr. Gillick

Dear Patrick,

Look, we get it -- the priority this off-season is pitching, as it should be. Sans the playoffs, pitching was what damn near kept the Phillies out of the playoffs. However, every other team needs pitching and it costs an obscene amount of money and prospects to get any worthwhile, proven pitching. If Moneyball taught us anything it's that you look at the market and take what's cheap. If you take a look at what this team needs, there seems to be only one gaping hole that isn't within the rotation -- third base.

Since the departure of Scott Rolen and Rlacido Polanco's refusal to play anywhere other than 2nd, third base has been a bit of a problem. Davis Bell put together one respectable season in 2004 but that was about it. Wes Helms was simply wish casting and Greg Dobbs was a nice surprise last year but he is one half of a platoon at best. If you take a look at one of the more interesting free agents in the market, it may be worth offering a contract to Dallas McPherson.


McPherson, only two years ago, was touted as a potential 40-homer guy capable of playing average defense at third-base. Sounds like somebody that a team would tender a contract to, right? Nope, the Angels just declined to tender him a contract, making him a free agent. So, what's to stop a team from snatching up a guy like this? Well, he just had back surgery and has yet to put together a solid season in the big leagues due to lack of opportunities, injuries and the Angels refusal to ride him out and give him more than a month or two at a time to prove himself.

Obviously, there is a reason nobody has picked him up yet. His performance in the Arizona Fall League this fall was not stellar, but he displayed some of the power that had the Angels thinking at one time he would be a cornerstone of the franchise. He socked a pair of home runs and walked eight times in 25 at-bats. It's not great and AFL stats are notoriously worthless, but it's something. It at least shows that he's able to perform at some level. After four years of David Bell and one season of the three headed monster that was Wes Helms, Abe Nunez and Greg Dobbs -- I am ready for a third baseman worth his salt. In this case, you may actually get that guy and he'll be mighty cheap too. For a franchise as notoriously cheap as the Phillies, it almost makes too much sense. If the Phillies felt Wes Helms was worth 5 million over two years they have to at least feel McPherson is worth a million, even if it may be wish casting, as Helms was. This time, you at least this time it's cheaper wish casting and he has a ton more upside than Helms ever did. Like Lubanski, it's a gamble. However, also like Lubanski, this gamble is inexpensive and would not take anything away from trying to get better pitching.

Tuesday is the worst of all days

Editor's Note: I contemplated writing about the Mitchell Report but there's nothing really to say about it. "Fernando Vina? HGH? I'll never be able to love again!! Chuck Knobby?! Say it ain't so, Chuckles!" Honestly, it could be true it could not be true and either way I'm done with it. I'm not appalled. I'm not offended. I didn't lose respect for "the game". I'm not boycotting players or teams. It's just a big "who cares" at this point. Punish 'em all or don't punish any of 'em. There I just summed up my opinion in less than one paragraph without shouting. I wish to Skip Bayless were reading and taking notes.


After working in an office for about two months, I came to the decision that Tuesday is the worst of all days. Not a football game in sight, ACC games are usually Wednesday nights, nothing good on TV, too early in the week to go out and get boozey (you pay for it the rest of the week), and Tuesday's don't even have a stupid name. Monday's need no description because the end of the week is nowhere in sight. Wednesdays (or as people whom I wish to punch call it "Hump Day") are good because as soon as the half way point rolls around you begin to trick yourself into thinking you're almost there. Thursday's give us the occasional late-season football romp and an opportunity to go out and get loaded (a hung-over Friday is heaven to the hellish nature of a Tuesday.) Fridays are......just great. As a youth, Friday's made me think of basketball games, Urkel, 'Boy Meets World', pizza and staying up past 9 o'clock. Now, Tuesday's make me think of rectal thermometry, people who use umbrellas when it snows and getting kicked in the junk. All things that are loathsome. The point is, Tuesdays are a terrible time to be alive.

So, how do I remedy this? Simple: the Eagles beat the Cowboys this weekend in an embarrassing fashion. I'll just talk about that. I expected this to be a low scoring affair with the Cowboys eventually figuring out how to beat the blitz and escape with a late victory but that moment never came. That moment is something Philadelphia fans have been taught to wait for. We all know what it feels like and it has yet to earn itself a name. That will all change by the end of this column.

I sat and watched the entire game as Mother Nature dumped buckets of snow on my recently cleared out parking space in front of my building. Now, I expected our announcers for the day (Joseph and Cowboy Troy) to be more than familiar with this Cowboys team, after all, they've pretty much done every single Cowboys game this season. Troy couldn't say enough about how much Romo has grown. Joe Buck pontificated for upwards of five minutes about how monstrous Marion Barber The Third had become. It was all very touching. I knew it would probably be in the Eagles best interest to lose this game and just go after a top 10 pick in next year's draft but it's just a waste of a season if you lose twice to the Cowboys. So, there was that part of me that felt the need to pull for the beloved Birds.

By the time the third quarter rolled around, it began to seem like the Cowboys were a play away from dropping a couple scores on us and just putting the game away -- despite the fact that they were losing at the time. My stomach was in knots because of that anticipations of the kick to the stones every Philadelphia sports fan comes to expect. You don't want to talk about it because if you do then you're the asshole who brought it up but everybody is thinking about it. I call it the Broad Street Bitch Slap. It's the proverbial slap across the face of what were once unsuspecting fans. Now, fans have a permanent red mark of a gigantic hand on the side of their face from repeatedly getting slapped every singled time the Sixers, Flyers, Phillies or Eagles shows some glimmer of hope for the future. Need examples?

"Oh, great Eric Lindros is going to be a superstar!"........SLAP (Scott Stevens helped)
"Great the Eagles finally made the SuperBowl after all those years losing the NFC Championship. They'll win for sure!"......SLAP
"The Phillies are in the Series!"........SLAP (1993)
"Oh, look. The Phillies finally made the playoffs.".......SLAP (2007)
"The Sixers are up 1-0 in the Finals against the Lakers. All they've gotta do is not lose the next four......SLAP!"

I could literally go on for pages and pages worth of Broad Street Bitch Slaps but the point it -- it happens a lot. However, it didn't happen on Sunday. The greatest non-touchdown run ever was watching Westbrook run to the goal line, take a look around and just sit down. A nice little "Eff you" to Dallas, in addition to making sure that was the final meaningful play of the game. When you beat a team 10-6 it's usually looked at as ugly and for Dallas' offense it was because Romo seemed about a foot off on all of his throws. Guys were open at times, but he just couldn't get them the ball. I think that was the part that made me the most nervous was that there were always guys open and I just figured eventually start hitting guys but he never did. It was a thing of beauty. A silver lining in a lost season. I can live with that.

Football Friday featuring the Guy Who Never Wins

Well suck me sideways it's Friday once again. That means, of course, it's time for the weekly Football lines with a bit of insight. After last week's installment, I was bombarded with requests (two of them) for me to pick each game. Since, I claim no mastery of the sweet science of gambling on football I have enlisted the help of a friend who, when it comes to gambling and football, can only be described as compulsive. My buddy will be known as "The Guy who Never Wins". Believe it or not, he gave himself this handle. So.....if you choose to side with him be forewarned - do so at your own risk. My cases are first and the Guy Who's Never Right's picks and reasoning are below.

Cincinnati (-8.5) at San Francisco

Case for The Mighty Bengals: Like 20 other NFL teams, nobody knows just how good or how bad they actually are. Honestly, I give up on these guys. What the hell happened? I don't know. The case for them here is that the 49ers suck somethin' awful and even if they play at home they can't help but suck just as much. The reasoning to take them lies entirely on a lack of confidence in their opponent.

Case for the 49ers: Well.......the Shaun Hill Project really seems to be off to a booming start. I honestly don't care if he starts or if Trent Dilfer starts. They both are awful. Vernon Davis is a freak of nature and Frank Gore is too. If you can win a game with a nasty tight end and a running back and nobody else then they have a chance. Of course......there is some evidence that you cannot.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Take the points, 49ers +8.5
If this game was being played a month ago, Cincinnati would have been favored by a field goal. Cincinnati is the same team they were a month ago, and they won’t be running up the score here.

Arizona at New Orleans (-3.5)

Case for The Arizona Football Team: 5 interceptions last week? Come on Kurt, A.J Feeley called and said you're a crappy quarterback. Know what that means? it means you're really quite bad. Honestly, the Saints defence is incredibly spotty. Want proof? Here's a stat line for you: 23/40 298 yards 2 TD's 1 pick. Chris Redman did that last week. He did that while throwing to Roddy White and Co. How do you like a better quarterback and better receivers against that same defence?

Case for the Saints: Kurt Warner on the road. Drew Brees could just as easily throw for 400 yards and 5 TDs as he could 90 yards and 4 picks so.....flip a coin and that could be a good thing.....or a bad thing.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Saints win pretty easily -3.5
Surprisingly, this game actually still has major playoff implications. That being said, when was the last time Arizona won a crucial game in a situation like this? 1998?

Atlanta at Tampa (-14)

Case for the Falcons: Chris Redman really showed me something last week against those pesky New Orleans Saints. That being said, they lost badly to a suspect team at home......and then their coach went to Arkansas. It hasn't been a good week for the Dirty Birds. Although, I am sure Jerious Norwood will break out any time now.

Case for Tampa: The Falcons are terrible. They're playing at home. Jeff Garcia is playing. They can solidify a playoff spot with a win. Chris Redman........come on. They can't really lost this game can they?

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Bucs by a lot (-14)
God I hate the end of the season. These lines jump so badly that it makes the underdog look enticing every time. Bobby Petrino just left, his players hate him and basically everything associated with football. Tampa still wants that 3 seed to avoid Dallas in the second round, and Jeff Garcia is coming back. I smell a blowout.

Baltimore (-4) at Miami

Case for The Ravens: They're playing the Miami Dolphins

Case for the Dolphins: They're keeping score.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Dolphins get the monkey off their back, win a close one (+4)
If the Dolphins were 1-12 right now, they’d be looking past this game and be focusing on trying to shock the Pats next week. Nevertheless, they are 0-13, and every game for them the rest of this season is a desperation game. The Ravens are out of the playoffs and have lots of injuries, and Billick seems to think his job is secure, so this game will probably come down to the last drive.

Buffalo at Cleveland(-6)

Case for the Bills: Trent "You Wait your Turn, Lee Evans" Edwards showed us how he good he could have been if he had of stayed in college last week against the Dolphins. He looked good. Their defense can absolutely slow down Jamal Lewis who is having an inexplicably solid season. Maybe you need a season or two our of prison to get back in shape. I was actually wondering what it would say on his football card for the year he was in prison. Sometimes it says (DNP - Injured) or something to that effect. Would they actually put 'DNP - Incarcerated" on a football card that a little kid will collect? I love how everybody hates Mike Vick but Jamal and Ray Lewis' criminal problems aren't even mentioned. You don't think Phil Sims could slip it into one of his "observations". Like, 'Hey, you know if Jamal Lewis didn't have those six to eight months to rest his legs in prison, he wouldn't be running as hard as he is right now.' Would anybody even bat an eye?

Case for the Browns: God help me, this is more or less their ticket into the playoffs. They play much better at home. Although, they caught a last minute scare from the New York's Jet football club last week. Can't say that was inspiring much confidence. I do love their offense and their lunch pail defense. They should handle Mr Edwards and whatever gomer they line u behind him this week.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Cleveland in the playoffs? That’s right. (-6)
Cleveland really can’t afford to lose this one. If they win, they can practically clinch the last playoff spot if Tennessee loses as well. Another interesting note, the Bills historically are terrible the week after playing Miami, I guess because that’s a rivalry game for them or something.

Green Bay (-10) at St. Louis

Case for The Pack: I ask again, where the hell did Ryan Grant come from? Brandon Jackson was supposed to be this year's fantasy "sleeper" and that guy hasn't been heard from in weeks. Now, Grant is running all over the place. Sometimes I hate what fantasy football has done to my view of the sport. Anyways, Favre showed last week he is more or less the same guy he was before the Dallas game only with a few more holes in his Wrangler jeans. (Is there anything more lunch pail than being the spokesman for jeans that are sold exclusively at K-Mart?)

Case for The Rams: The good: Stephen Jackson will stomp all of oppose him. The bad......let's see: they didn't score a single offensive touchdown against the freakin' Bengals last week, Brock Berlin gave an uninspired performance in his once chance to show he belonged in the league (which didn't keep the Rams form giving him yet another chance) and let's see....oh yeah, their defense gave up 192 yards rushing to a horrible running team. Can't really find a reason they could possibly have for losing this game. Can you? Didn't think so.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – St. Louis makes it more interesting (+10)
Another odd trend – Brett Favre playing in a dome is somehow less effective than when playing in the freezing cold weather. St. Louis is actually playing half decent these days, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a close one, though Green Bay will win.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh (-4)

Case for the Jags: Just put a 37 spot on the Panthers, confidence has got to be at an all-time high. Garrard seems to be nothing but capable every single week. Their defense seems to show up more often than not.

Case for the Steelers: They've gotta be feeling pretty stupid after the Pats bent them over in front of a national television audience. That was shameful. I've gotta think they just throw everything they've got at the Jags in this one just to prove they've still got a puncher's chance in the AFC. Spite is a powerful thing.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Steelers gets back to business (-4)
Is it just me or do these teams play against each other every year, even though they aren’t in the same division anymore? Pittsburgh is feeling pretty crumby after that game last week and they’ll be pissed off, whereas the Jags are in a state of flux where they know they probably can’t win the division and they basically already clinched a wild card spot.

New York Jets at New England (-24)

Case for the Jets: They will be participating in the game. (They're going to fucking lose. I don't feel like describing how it's going to happen or why.)

Case for the Patriots: See above. Unless Brady has a heart attack shoveling himself out of his driveway this weekend I see no way they lose.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Pats eventually get on track and run it up, just so Belicheck can continue to win back the $ he lost from his fine by betting on his own team. Pats (-24)
For the sake of Eagles fans everywhere, I hope this line moves to about 27 so the Birds are no longer the biggest underdogs in the history of the league. Mangini isn’t stupid, he’s seen that if you double up on Moss, Wes Welker will beat you, but he won’t beat you by nearly as many points. Look for the Jets to come out in some wacky defense with maybe one guy on the line of scrimmage which will confuse Brady for the first half, but eventually he’ll get down to business.

Seattle (-7.5) at Carolina

Case for the Sea hawks: They are quietly going to snag the 2nd seed in the playoffs and end up in the NFC Championship game and nobody is going to remember how the hell they got there. The Hassel, competent if not spectacular, continues to get it done for head coach walrus. Despite Shaun Alexander deciding to run like the end zone is full of hot lava, they just keep winning. Their defense really seems to have stepped up. Perhaps it's that.

Case for the Panthers: They just don't have a chance anymore. Why not just go with a younger quarterback who can get some experience? Does trotting Vinny out there every week prove anything? If I were a Panther's fan I would be up in arms about this nonsense.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Seattle takes early lead, never gives it up (-7.5)
The smart money here says that Seattle goes across the country for a 1pm game and lays the egg that they usually do in that situation. I hate smart money. Seattle is starting to get into one heck of a groove, and Carolina doesn’t appear to do anything well these days.

Tennessee (-4) at Kansas City

Case for The Titans: After watching their defense in the first half against the Chargers I really do believe they can stop most anybody. Not because anyone other than Tomlinson and Gates are any good, but because they really swarm around the ball and make a ton of plays. Also, I am thinking Vince Young's career is starting to look eerily like a certain prisoner's. Tank a couple games just so enough people think you're worthless then completely take over for the next three weeks. Could this be the ebb and flow we see until Mr. Young's time in this league is up?

Case for the Chiefs: 16 yards on 17 carries last week...........for the entire team. Isn't every Chiefs fan glad the locked up Larry Johnson while they could? I thought so.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Tennessee needs a win, badly. (-4)
Anyone who has ever seen the Chiefs play against the Broncos during the Plummer era will know that they still don’t seem to understand the concept of a bootleg or a rollout. KC will go in expecting a clock control game, and will be utterly surprised when they find themselves down big at the end of the first half.

Indy (-11) at Oakland

Case for the Colts: They seem like the second best team in the league and they are getting healthy now. They've gotta scare people. Peyton doesn't seem to panic anymore when the pressure is on and that, friends, is saying something. They shouldn't break much of a sweat here.

Case for the Raiders: Ja Russell (I'm calling him that from now on) apparently has some scheduled playing time. I love it when teams do this. This is similar to the second quarter in grade school basketball. The good kids all played the first quarter while the kids who just grabbed the ball, ran with it and handed it to their mom or dad on the sidelines played in the second quarter and if anybody accidentally scored a basket in the second quarter it was was likely for the wrong team. So.....we get to see Ja in a second quarter situation. Only this is slightly different.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Oakland loses, but makes it close in the 4^th quarter (-10)
Colts wrap up a first round bye with a win here, which should be enough motivation for Peyton to be on the top of his game. On the other hand, Lane Kiffin’s dad Monte practically invented the Cover 2 that Dungy relies on so much, so he knows his way around it pretty well. Oakland has a lot of young guys who are still trying to prove they deserve a spot on this team, so I look for them to play their hearts out down the stretch.


Detroit at San Diego (-11)

Case for the Lions: It's possible could change his mind but he rarely does that this late in the season. They had the Cowboys beat last week. They had them done. Kitna looked good. The defense stopped the Cowboys when they needed to.....except for that one last drive. They need to play that good for all 4 quarters this time.

Case for the Chargers: Coming home after a tough win against the Titans they find a team that hasn't won in a while. Perhaps this is the impetus Phillip Rivers needs to get back on the stick. Even if it isn't, Ladanian alone will be plenty.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Detroit pulls the upset of the week, San Diego continues to be a mystery. Lions (+11)
This is another one of those lines that figures to move in the Chargers direction as Sunday rolls around. San Diego runs a similar defense as Dallas does, yet they’ll be without Shawn Merriman this weekend. The Chargers haven’t been good in non-conference games this year, and I don’t expect this to be any different. Expect a huge game from Calvin Johnson, since the Lions brass has basically demanded that the coaches call more plays for him.

Philly at Dallas (-11)

Case for the Eagles: I'm not making one. I don;t mind if they lose because I want a good draft pick. If that makes me a bad fan then frickin sue me.

Case for the Cowboys: They will bother the hell out of McNabb all day. I don't see any way around this. When McNabb is bothered it seems he doesn't throw picks anymore, he just throws balls at people's ankles. I guess that isn't as bad. I don't see this game ending with me completely happy.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Dallas does us a favor and smashes us, hopefully helping in the quest for a top ten pick. Dallas (-11)
Get ready for the most painful 60 minutes of the season Eagles fans. Jim Johnson seemingly refuses to double cover anyone in the league (barring Randy Moss), and TO has owned the Birds the last two times they’ve met. The real spread for this game should be on how many times the color commentator (probably Troy Aikman, since this is probably, and sadly, the game of the week for the NFC) mentions how crazy it is that Reid leaves LJ Smith on his own to block Demarcus Ware. I'm guessing at least twice. Dallas will be in McNabb’s face all night and he will uncharacteristically throw a bunch of picks.

Washington at New York Giants (-4.5)

Case for the Skins: Todd Collins, baby. Todd Collins. Honestly, he looked pretty good last week against a tough Bears defense. Eli Manning will be outside in the cold. I believe he's actually better on the road now than he is at home.

Case for the Giants: This is a game they should win. They could just try to throw a bunch of trick plays at Joe Gibbs just to confuse him, plays like.....a forward pass - should really throw Gibbs for a loop.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Washington controls the clock throughout, while the Giants lose again on national television. Washington (+4.5)

The Skins finally ended that beautiful losing streak last week, and now they are right back in the playoff hunt. Eli seems to struggle playing at home because the fans hate him with a passion that only a Manning can produce. Portis is due for a break out game, and ever since the Giants realized that Shockey is a bigger help if he stays in and blocks its been all Plaxico Burress. I think Greg Williams has enough brains to realize this and the Skins get a big win.

Chicago at Minnesota (-10)

Case for Chicago: Kyle Orton, ladies and gentleman. Can he be the answer this town has searched for for so long? Not a chance. Will he provide us with a few nice wins and a neckbeard to boot? Absolutely. I am waiting for the Bears to give Devin Hester some of that black glue that "Hot Hands" Haynen used in the 'Little Giants' when he got it all over his jersey. There is no reason Hester shouldn't be able to catch a pass.

Case for the Vikings: Adrian Peterson will stomp all over these Chicago Bears and then Chester Taylor will scamper in right behind him. The Bears are feeling the effects of going to the Super Bowl and losing. All you Philly fans know what that's about.

The Guy Who Is Never Right Says – Another Monday night snoozer, Minnesota (-10)
This one seems pretty simple. The Bears have absolutely no running game, and the Vikings have the best run defense in the NFL. That means lost of passing from the Bears, and no matter who plays QB, that historically means disaster for the Bears. Adrian Peterson will do his usual thing, and the Vikings will roll on towards what appears to be a first round playoff game at Seattle, which actually sounds appealing.

What If Wednesdays: Charlie Manuel

Well, hello there! It's Wednesday again and that means it's time for every body's favorite Wednesday segment: What If Wednesdays. To recap, last week I did a little scene from the dinner table of the Manning family and we got a little insight into the mental rubix cube that is Eli Manning. This week we take a look into yet another conundrum of public appearances and professional competence: Phillies manager Charlie Manuel. To gain some insight into the world that is the manager of the Phillies, what better place to look than his personal diary? The personal diary of Charlie Manuel.....right now.

(Editor's note: When you see Charlie referring to "Lucky", he is referring to his diary.)


September 30th: Who's on the hot seat now, Lucky? HA! Boy, I'll tell ya there isn't anything better than showin' these bearded jerks a thing about playin' ball. My boys played the hell outta some ball these past couple weeks and we won it today. It's like I always say, Lucky,
"Columbus took a chance" so what the hell right? How are we gonna win games if we don't do as Columbus did? That's right, Lucky. Not a damn thing change if these jokers had their way. You know what's fun about winning stuff? Partying in the locker room. You know we don't get to party in the locker room too much. Especially when Carlos Ruiz and Tad Iguchi slap box while Rowand and Alfonseca play war (I tell 'em it never ends but they don't listen to shit I say). I liked pouring beer and things on the guys. Iguchi looked pretty stupid because he was afraid of getting it in his eyes so we gave him goggles. Did you know we actually keep goggles on hand at the ballpark? Hell, when I played in Japan they wouldn't even give us batting gloves.

Back then in Japan we rubbed our hands in fish oil and didn't think twice about it. Hell, we needed something to grip those bats with and I sure as shit wasn't gonna pay 15 million yen for a pair of BG's (like the band!) I think my experience in Japan really helped me related to a Japanese man such as Chooch (I don't know why everybody goes around calling him Chooch but I asked Jimmy the other day and he told me it had something to do with a time they took him to the karaoke bar when him and Roward were with the White Sox, so hell if I know). Me and Chooch got along great because I spoke a little Japanese from my years over there. He would say hello to me in English and I'd say hello to him in Japanese. It's amazing what you pick up in a country after living there a few years. The second day he was with us, I went up to him during batting practice and asked him, in Japanese, how he was doing and if there was anything he wanted me to do for him, you know with him being new and all. He looked at me kinda funny and started laughing. i kept asking him in English and Japanese what the hell was so goddamn funny and that just made him laugh harder. He's actually pretty good with English so when he finally caught his breath he told me that I actually asked him "How much is this cap?" and "Are there chicken nuggets in this restaurant?" Well, that threw me for a heck of a loop. Just what the hell had I been saying to all those little Japanese people all these years Every time I thought I was asking how somebody was doing I was asking them if they had chicken nuggets. That sort of gave me the red ass so I had to go sit down after that.

That's about all I got for now, Lucky. I'll let you know if we're playing the Padres or the Rockies. I'd rather play the Rockies because their uniforms are real neat.
Your Pal,
Charlie

October 6th:
Lucky, I'll tell you what - that happened FAST. Damn, one minute you're standing and cheering for everybody the next all these media jerks are asking you why the only guy on your staff who can get anybody out is 44. How the hell am I supposed to answer that? I think our boys played well. They were just nervous. Everybody gets nervous. There was one time I was playing ball in Japan and this one pitcher threw the ball real soft so you had all this time to wait for it. Only problem was it was too much time, like you'd tense up and get anxious and look like a fool trying to swing and the damn thing. So, what I did was I went up there with two bats. The first bat was for hittin' and the other one was just for swingin'. I'd swing the first one. Drop it. Then I'd pick up the second and by the time the ball got there I'd be right on it. Course, If the pitch was a ball I was sorta in a pinch but those Japanese got real good control so it usually wasn't much of a problem.

Speaking of Japanese, that Tad Iguchi is a free agent now. We like him and I sure hope he comes back because he was a real ball player. I like the way he goes after it. He's like that in everything though, you know. I swear to you, Lucky. the other day I saw him break a bat over his head when Geoff Geary beat him in checkers (hell, I'd be mad as a bitch too cause Geary ain't never beat anybody in checkers). Then when he broke the bat, Geoff started raggin' on him saying "Maybe we should have played Chinese Checkers". Well, let me tell you something about the Japanese. Those guys don't like being called Chinese, mostly because they aren't Chinese they're actually from Japan. So, once he hears Geary say Chinese Checkers he gets all crazy and starts jumping up and down yelling and screaming. Only thing is, nobody can understand a damn thing this guy's saying. So, I hustle over there and try to see what the hell's going on. And, I'm trying to figure out what the hell's the matter and if there's anything I can do. Finally, Chooch turns to me with his face red as hell and screams "I don't have goddamn....fucking....ass......chicken nuggets!" And that little sumbitch stomps away. He was a tough guy figure out. Heck of a ball player though. I sure hope he finds a good job this winter. I'm gonna miss him, Lucky. But now it's the off season so you and I can talk every day now. That's all I got for now, but I'll let you know what else I'm doing once I get settled from this vacation. You take care of yourself, Lucky.

Charles


There ya have it, folks. Charlie Manuel: un-cut and un-censored. I have nothing but confidence in this man's ability to manage a baseball team.

My Good Looks Paid for that Pool. And my talent filled it with Water

Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such motivational videos as "Smoke yourself Thin!" and "Get confident, stupid!". I'm here with a segment called Troy's Topical Sports Bonanza. It's a little slice of current events in the sports world. In said bonanza, I give my celebrity take on goings on in the sports universe. I also call in some of my celebrity friends to see what they have to say on the matter. I call in other celebrities as opposed to sports professionals because as we all know celebrities are the smartest, most commen sensical human beings on this planet. The premise may sound contrived, but it's OK because I haven't worked in many many years. So without further ramblings, I bring to you the bonanza.

Superstar Michael Vick recently sent to jail.

Superstar? In prison? What sort of messages are we sending to the youth of today? Why would anyone seek to become famous if they could still possibly be sent to prison? The whole reason anyone want fame and fortune is because it puts you above the law. The whole justice system is based upon the belief that people with money are better than everybody else. Why give your personal life over to the public when you can possibly be prosecuted for that personal life?

This whole crazy notion of putting famous people away in prison gained some steam when Martha Stewart went to the slammer a few years back. Everybody assumed America's favorite little homemaker could never make it in the big house (you people CLEARLY don't know the woman). However, when she two-stepped her way out of the slammer looking as glamorous as ever everybody figured jail was little more than a stroll in the park. As silly a premise as that may be, what's even sillier is throwing a professional athlete such as Vick into jail. What could prison possibly teach him that live in the NFL hasn't already?

In the NFL, Vick learned the difference between strippers, groupies and plain old floozies. In prison, he'll only learn the difference between groupies and people who want him dead. In the NFL, he learned that many people will do things for you if you ask nicely and have a lot of money. In prison, he's just going to learn that people only do things for you if you give them something in return, which is just as crazy a notion as sending him to prison in the first place.

Tim Tebow wins the Heisman Trophy

I don't know who Tim Tebow is or what a Heisman Trophy costs. So, I'm turning this over to every body's favorite little pip-squeak, Dustin Diamond!

Hello, there. I am a big fan of Tim Tebow winning the Heisman because he embodies everything that my career has become. Tebow became the first sophomore ever to win the award and my hat goes off to him. Some of you may not know this, but I once played a character named Samuel "Screech" Powers. He was an underclassman who didn't exactly have all the right moves but he overcame adversity to win a sort of Heisman award of his own, a dance with the hot black chick on the show. That episode was important because it broke down a lot of barriers. It proved that the little guy (Tebow) could reach the unreachable, possibly even a year or two before anyone expected.

I'd like to digress and discuss these allegations that I am a sexual predator and a bit of a diva. What many people saw on Celebrity Fit Club was a man would was lashing out at others, running a muck and generally being a douche bag. Well, I'll have you know I was acting. You know why? Because I'm an actor. That's what actors do! They act! Why can't people just accept that I am a serious man and a serious actor. I don't still call Mark-Paul Glossner and Mario Lopez at 4 in the morning and hang up. That's amateur stuff and I'm over all of that. I'd just like to take this time to say that I am available in the upcoming months. I'm willing to go back to television but only if I find the right script. I'd really like to go more into feature films. I think my new found charisma and array of dirty sex moves demands it. Thanks for the time everybody. Here's Troy!

Ha Ha Ha Ha! Wasn't that insightful, folks? OK, one last topic before we go.

The Patriots' road to perfection reaches 13-0

Perfection? I practically invented the word. You know, as an actor I rely on perfection in all it's shapes, sounds and musks to keep a roof over my head. As a younger man, I portrayed Little Timmy Soapbox in an off-Broadway production of "Who's that man in the corner?" as well as it's sequel "Timmy Soapbox learns the Justice System". My performance in those films led to my emergence onto the big screen with my breakout role as an accountant with a heart of gold in the romantic comedy "Divided by Time Equals Love Interest".

The Patriots have simply overwhelmed the competition all season long. Their head coach, whom I could TOTALLY see myself playing, really sticks it to his foes and really REALLY sticks it to the foes he wants killed in their sleep. Tom Brady, another Troy look a-like, has all of the women in New England swooning, writing in their diaries and an in a general state of child-like infatuation. Of course, with the birth of his first bastard child women now believe he is ready to settle down. Not on your life, ladies. If this man has even half the class that I do, he'll follow up this little bundle of child support checks with a few more. Only he'll be more discreet next time.

Oh yes....football....we'll it's a lemon-shaped ball made of hog's hide, I believe. It's an OK game, I guess and frankly if any team chooses never to lose then that's A-OK with Troy.

That concludes the first installment of Troy's Topical Sports Bonanza. Who knows? Perhaps I could be here once a week - or never again! Good nigh, folks. And thanks for stopping by!

Football Friday's (Lookit! Alliteration!)

In the first of what will be many segments of Football Fridays I will lay out each game and make a case for wagering money on either team. In come cases it will be obvious. In other cases it will be damn near impossible, but there en lies the challenge. How can I make an argument for the Dolphins beating a spread of any kind? Who the hell knows! That's the twist part, works great in the movies. So, without further typing or introduction I bring you.........the week 14 version of Football Fridays. (Just to point out, I am aware there was a game played last night in which Todd Collins defeated Brian Greise in a classic game of 'Wait, they're bringing in WHO??' but until the NFL Network and the cable companies stop acting like a couple of divas I will only acknowledge games played on the weekend. Also Wednesday already has a recurring segment so to those teams playing on Thursday I say HARD CHEESE.)

Jacksonville at home favored by 10.5 against Carolina
Case for Jacksonville: David Gerrard just damn near beat the Colts. He could really come out against a weak defense and light them up with his Gerrard-like 230 yards and no interceptions while Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew run for 200 combined yards. Because....ya know....they almost beat the Colts so they should be properly motivated to beat an inferior team.

Case for Carolina: David Gerrard just damn near beat the Colts. You know who else damn near beat a good team? A.J Feeley. Re responded by making the opposing middle linebacker his favorite receiver the following week. Wow, does this Eagles team depress me. Also one of the Jag's DB's could suddenly decide it's a good idea to talk shit about Steve Smith. Know what happens when you get a short man angry? He dedicates his life to ruining yours.

Dallas by 11 at Detroit
Case for the Cowboys: They're the best team in the NFC. I feel dirty just typing that but it's true and it's really not close. Tony Romo might actually be good. That receiver whose name I refuse to mention is having a ridiculous season. Marion Barber the Third is better than the first two Marion Barber's put together. (It's possibly he ate both of them to gain his monstrous strength.) Their defense puts constant pressure on the quarterback. I could keep going but you get the point. They are pretty good.

Case for the Lions: Well, for a while there they had God on their side but he jumped off the bandwagon once he thought they didn't need his help anymore. (Fun fact: Other teams or individuals who have had God on their side The California Angels (Angels in the Outfield), The US Army, Vatican City Soccer team (didn't help 'em), George W. Bush - as you can tell it's a mixed bag.) Since the Lord's astonishing abandonment of his Lion's they have looked like.....how should I say this......dog shit. Their defense has completely forgotten how to stop anybody and Jon Kitna no longer looks like one of God's children under center (although he is still bald).

Buffalo by 7 at home against Miami
Case for Buffalo: The Bills can't ever seem to finish better than 9-7 or worse than 7-9. However, last week they looked respectable in a win. I like Trent Edwards and frankly I'd like Ryan Leaf against this Dolphins secondary.

Case for the Dolphins: Um.....Jesus, this is hard.......I got it! Maybe the little dolphins on their helmets will leap off of each player's head and squeak at the other team long enough for the Fin's offense to score a couple times. That or a plane crash. Either into the stadium or into a mountain with every member of the Buffalo Bills in it.

Philly by 3 at home against the Giants
Case for Philly: The Don. The Don. The Don. The Don is back on the field this Sunday. Of course he'll be throwing to the same group of slapdicks A.J Feeley was but I think he'll get the ball to them more often. The Philly home crowd will absolutely be up for this game. It's against the Giants and we hates to lose to the Giants especially at home. The Linc will be a rockin'. Also, it's going to be cold as bananas out there and Eli Manning has trouble holding the ball when it's cold because his hands are too small. That is too fucking cute. Actually, I really could have just written "Eli + cold + blitzing = ______" and that would be just as strong of an argument.

Case for the Giants: Last time they faced the Eagles Winston Justice was abused and the Giants totaled 12 sacks in one game. Of course that was the same night the Phillies clinched the NL East so I didn't care as much when it happened but now that i've had time to digest that stat......12 SACKS IN ONE FUCKING GAME?! That's crazy. What's also is crazy is the insane amount of talent pass rushers the Giant's have on their front seven. That's their big advantage. If they can pressure McNabb it will be a long day for the Birds.

Green Bay at home by 10.5 against Oakland
Case for Green Bay: Favre is playing. Ryan Grant actually gives them some sort of ground attack. They always play well at home.

Case for Oakland: They're on a two game winning streak having defeated the Chiefs in KC (no easy task) and the Broncos in Oakland. They actually have shown flashes of competence against some decent teams this year. Also, Jamarcus Russell is starting to work his way into the mix which is always exciting.

New England at home by 10.5 against the Steelers
Case for the Pats: They haven't lost this year. They beat everybody. They don't need help from the refs but they get it anyways. They got outplayed in Baltimore last week and I have a hunch the old ball coach would like to make a statement out of this game. I honestly think they could run the ball if they decided they want to but they haven't needed a running game yet this year which is......pretty scary.

Case for the Steelers: The Pats haven't faced a defense like theirs all season. They stop the run, they stop the pass and they bring their lunch pails to the sidelines every Sunday. The new thinking about beating the Pats is that they can't stop the run. And it seems they can't. That is convenient because the Steelers have a pretty good back named William Parker (sounds like a character in the movie 'School Ties' doesn't it?) They match up well against the Pat's defense and I would look for them to pound the ball all game and control the clock.

Pick 'em! San Diego at Tennessee
Case for San Diego: They've looked alright at times this year and they still have LaDainian Tomlinson. Their defense is still pretty damn good also.

Case for Tennessee: Last week Houston absolutely BEGGED Vince Young to throw the ball, stacking 8 and 9 guys in the box on every play. So he threw the ball and they won. He was so proud of himself after the game. "Hey, look! I can read man-to-man coverage!" Maybe the same thing will happen this week.

Cincinnati at home by 6.5 against St. Louis
Case for the Bengals: They have great receivers, Carson Palmer and 11 players who play defense. One of those 11 players used to be Odell Thurman (he won't make the game this week). One of those great receivers still is Chris Henry (was suspended 8 games this season, basically for being a criminal...he also threw up out the window of a car last year when the SUV he was in was stopped by a cop. Now i don't throw around the phrase "true American hero" much but....) Also, St. Louis is really quite bad this season.

Case for the Rams: They've won three of their last four (although two of those wins were against teams with starting quarterbacks named Dilfer and Harrington.) Stephen Jackson is back and he looks like the monster I see every week in that commercial with the 'Dances with Wolves' music in the background.

Tampa by 3 at Houston
Case for Tampa: Gruden said it's a possibility that Jeff Garcia will play on Sunday. I've learned a few things in life and one of them is never, ever, ever count out Jeff Garcia.

Case for Houston: Matt Schaub had looked good since he came back from being injured, then he got hurt again. It's time for some of that Sage Rosenfels magic. Magic that, I assure, does exist. Here's your Sean Salisbury "KEY MATCH UP OF THE GAME" Rod Barber v Andre Johnson. Could be the x-factor. Who knows? Need more football cliches? They can't turn the ball over. You gotta establish the run. Can't come out flat. Any team can win on any given Sunday. This quarterback has really gotta manage the game. It's too early to chase points. Leaves of three leave it be!! Ahhhhhhhh........

................
.................

Sorry, thought I had a stroke.


Seattle at home by 7 against Arizona
Case for Seattle: They loves playing at home. They just beat the Eagles at home. Sean Alexander is.....healthy? I guess? The Hassel has looked pretty good under center and their defense stopped the vaunted Eagles Ariel attack (I just threw up in my mouth.)

Case for Cardinals: They're very much in the playoff race. Kurt Warner has shown flashes of the quarterback that won an MVP in addition to flashes of the quarterback that fumbled his way out of a job in New York. They've gotta hope the latter Kurt Warner stays in Phoenix.


Minnesota by 8.5 at San Francisco
Case for Minnesota: It no longer matters that Tavaris Jackson isn't a good quarterback. Chester Taylor (another black guy with a 'School Ties' sounding name) and Adrian Peterson are absolutely disgusting. They run all over everybody. Jackson just needs to consistently hand the ball off without dropping it and this game is a slam dunk.

Case for the 49ers: It's at home.

Cleveland by 3.5 at New York Jets
Case for the Browns: I expect Derek Anderson to bounce back from last week. I like this Browns team. They've yet to get blown out (sans the Pats game) and Jamal Lewis is running pretty well for them. Also, the Jets are an awful football team.

Case for the Jets: They just put up 40 points against the Dolphins. It's possible Kellen Clemens could turn in one of those random performances where a young QB flashes all of his ability for an entire game and convinces everybody he's ready for the job. The chances of this happening, while slim, are increased by the fact that Thomas Jones will be behind him the entire game and Jones is a freakin' monster.

Denver at home by 6.5 against Kansas City
Case for Denver: Cutler threw the ball pretty well against Oakland and has been more consistent towards the latter part of the season. They should have beaten the Bears if Mike Shannahan didn't fry his brain in a tanning bed and kick to Devin Hester every chance he got.

Case for KC: Damon Huard is back. Need I say more? It's really hard to look at the Chiefs and not think about Hard Knocks. That show was the worst thing Herm Edwards could have possibly done to his team.

Indy by 9 at Baltimore
Case for Indy: Just beat a pretty good Jags team. The Ravens are sticking with Kyle Boller. They really look shook from that Pats loss on Monday. This could be a blowout.

Case for Ravens: Can't make one. Their defense is good, but their offense is a joke. How many times does Kyle Boller need to fail for it to become clear that he is not good enough to be an NFL quarterback? Who really thinks after so many years in the league that he is just one good game or one good opportunity away from turning it around? Does arm strength really give a guy carte blanche to screw up as much as he wants? I'm looking at you Jeff George.

New Orleans by 4 at Atlanta
Case for New Orleans: There may be more Saints fans at this game than Falcons fans. Joey Harrington will be starting for the Falcons. Drew Brees is always on the verge of throwing for 300 yards it seems.

Case for Atlanta: There are some games where the fact that Drew Brees can't see over his lineman really makes him an awful quarterback. He just makes terrible decisions and sails the ball frequently. If this is one of those games then all of the Reggie bush cutbacks in the world won't make this a game worth watching.